loving you is a losing game || larry fanfic

- chapter 1 -

his mind was twisted, his vision blurry, words slurred and he was pretty sure he tasted like vodka and glitter. a pretty girl sucking at his neck, and in the background he noticed that the countdown had started, not that he cared or anything, way too drunk for that shit.

5... he started getting breathless as his mind fogged more
4... was it the vodka, he knew... he couldn't keep it down normally,
3... or was it the shots?
2... the girl stopped sucking at his neck, waiting to smash her lips with his the second midnight hit
1... he hates it here, why did he ever agree to come, actually, he had no choice
0... eruptions of laughs and shouts fill his slightly blocked ears, causing him to go half deaf as he feels a pair of hard, chapped lips smashed against his own, as fireworks are being shot out in the distance. he was being grabbed at and shoved around. he grabbed the pretty blonde, he'd already forgot her name, pulled her toward the exit, he was drunk and horny, management wouldn't approve but his boner did.. after all, he was allowed to fuck up and make mistakes sometimes.

the pair stumbled into a taxi, his words still slurred as he says directions to the hotel the boys are currently staying at before traveling again. he was slightly more sober now, only enough to realise the girl with him was all over him, sucking bruises into the bare parts of skin he was showing "fuck sake" he cursed because he knew he was gonna regret this tomorrow morning.

they made it to the hotel before making out in the elevator and pushing her up the wall before dragging her into the bedroom...

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he woke the next morning, pounding headache, last nights food threatening to come up... he opened his eyes, vision significantly clearer now as the beautiful blonde purred at him from the door "goodbye harry" she smirked and walked out the door, leaving him left in his own dried cum and sweat, maybe vomit. fuck he regrets last night already, it's not like she wasn't a good shag, she was, so good in bed. but she wasn't the one he wanted and he wasn't about to pretend that he wouldn't rather be here sucking a certain, pretty boy's cock instead.

he pulls himself from his dirty bed, feeling quite lethargic and goes to his balcony, taking in the fresh air, whispering to himself "happy new year harry, to 2015" while rolling his eyes before heading back in to shower, took some painkillers to get rid of the feeling of his brain pounding against his skull, he stared at himself in the mirror for about 15 minutes, deciding that he likes his hair slowly growing out, he looks like mick jagger, as louis has told him jokingly a few times. He makes his way into the shower and scrubs clean every inch of his body, before deciding to have a quick wank, considering he wouldn't be able to for a couple weeks now, wouldnt have time, since the tour is starting and they're recording and writing their new album, made in the am, now.

He's in the middle of choosing out an outfit for the day - he decided on black skinnies, a white rolling stones band tee and a pair of chelsea boots - before a loud nock pounds on his door and a rather high pitched noise and laughter coming from behind it. "Coming you wankers" harry shouts at them before hearing niall shout "FUCK" loudly as he clearly trips up over himself.

It's a few hours later and Harry has been feeling rather nervous since simon called him into his office this morning, he knew it'd probably be about the girl he shagged last night, he couldn't find himself to care about her though, or the fact that simon hates that he's gay. It's quite funny, watching Simon constantly try to hide from the public that he's gay, it's not exactly working out for him.

The meeting wasn't important, just shit about having to be more careful next time. He didn't quite care though.

- few hours later -
"BOYS GATHER ROUND, ITS TIME TO GO ON STAGE IN 5, 4, 3, 2, 1"

They run out on stage and the shouts and screams of the fans would be enough to deafen anyone, his adrenaline is high and he's actually rather excited to be on stage again, dancing around, having fun, getting to see a tiny fraction of the people who are supporting and loving him. They start singing alive and the crowd roars, this is harrys home.

After singing best song ever (going out with a bang), the boys make their way back onto the tour bus, traveling to their next destination, they decided that they were going to record their next song, if i could fly, it was a great song. They were all having fun and messing around, but harry noticed that lou seemed slightly distracted, texting someone on his phone constantly... a few minutes later a knock came on the door and louis squealed before getting up and rushing out. A few minutes later he arrives back in, with a girl, she was beautiful, don't get me wrong, but harry was gay.. he wouldn't ever be attracted to a female.

the thing that happened next, ruined any happiness harry had previously had.

"Boys, lads, lads. Meet eleanor, My girlfriend"
All the boys get up to congratulate him and smiling and shaking hands and having banter while harry stood slightly further away, faking a smile which clearly didn't reach his eyes. he was polite, said he was happy for them, but he thinks even lou could notice something wasn't quite right...

harry had always known that he was in love with louis, since the day he first met him, when he was just a cute, pimply 16 year old. but he also always knew, that louis was straight. He was bound to get hurt, sooner or later, but he never knew it would hurt quite this much. He couldn't record this song anymore, not when he knew he had written it for louis,

"for your eyes only, i'll show you my heart, for when you're lonely and forget who you are, i'm missing half of me, when we're apart"

he rushed out the room and went to lay in his bed on the tour bus, he tried not to cry but it was hard when the person he loved,

loved someone else...

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Authors note:

hey! i hope you enjoyed the first chapter, i'm aware that it's quite short (only 1,100 words) but there's going to be quite a lot chapters, hopefully and most of them will be longer than this!

anyway, stream if i could fly :)

love- keelie