whatever begins must end.

I wish he was here

I was sat at my desk doing school work, just like everyday. Was i good at it? no. But did i try? Yes, yes i did, i tried so hard but yet i didn't get anywhere. With school work i feel like my teachers are purposely doing this is make me feel down. Setting so many assignments expecting them to be done for the next day. I don't think they realise how much stress and pain they are putting not only me, but others my age through. Im so young but peoples expectations are so high. Too high.

I then got snapped out of my thoughts by my mother. She yelled my name indicating for me to come downstairs. I didn't like leaving my room. It was the only place i could be myself and no one would see me or hear me. But my mother sounded mad so i ran downstairs.

"Yeah?"

"Isobel could you please explain to me why i just got a call from the school saying they have suspicions of you doing things to your body?"

"what?"

I played dumb. One of my teachers must have noticed the scars during school earlier today. Shit. This woman is now going to kill me, when she gets mad she gets mad, My mother used to also be an alcoholic. She claims to have stopped but its obvious when she took something. She says weird things, and does weird things. Her boyfriend, Callum, he's the one who usually gets her to break her free. She gives in to him because Callum threatens to leave her.

"DONT act stupid girl. you know DAMN WELL what im on about!"

She grabbed my wrist and pulled the sleeves of my hoodie up. And then she just stared. Not saying a word. Just- looking?

"mom- i have a perfe-"

"i DONT wanna hear it Isobel."

"so what do you want me to do now mom?

Silence filled the dirty kitchen. Callum just stood there smoking a cigarette, probably his 50th one of the day. I was hoping my mom would say something like: 'its okay love' or 'how can i help' But oh boy was i wrong.

"What good reason do you have to be doing this?"

"i guess im just. i dont know sad?"

"*laughs* what is there to be sad about?! Me and Callum provide for you, we bought you a phone. You are so ungrateful!" 

"am i know?"

"yes!yes you are!

"no maybe im sad because you are a bitch. Maybe im sad because you are a shit mother?"

"Isobel Svalt watch that mouth or you are out of the house!"

"i will gladly leave"

I put my old pair of convers on and fixed my hair in the hallway mirror. I didn't know where i was going or how i was going to get there but i wanted to leave.

"Callum do something! She can't just leave like that. CALLUM!"

"she ain't my daughter, she ain't my problem Ashley!"

At this point my mom was sobbing and just staring at Cullum's ridiculous comment. Her skin was bright red and hand shaking. She grabbed my phone out of my arms.

"What the hell give that back!"

"no, you wont leave without it!"

By now im crying and begging for my phone. But then i realise it doesn't matter weather i take it or not. Who am i gonna text? call? So i wipe my tears and whisper.

"i wish he was here"

"who love?"

"DAD!"

I walk out and slam the door, im already down the drive before i hear the door open. My mother just yelling my name in tears barely making it clear that she is calling me. So then i ran. I just ran. With no idea where my legs would take me. But i didn't stop. 

There was a smile on my face. A big smile, i felt free. The wind slightly pushing my long hair out of my face. My mom must have gave up because she wasn't leaving the house "good" i thought.

Still running. I realised it was turning dark. Do i give a fuck. Nah. You only live once.