quiet voices | n.

xiii. trust the process.

quiet voices. chapter seventeen.
SUMMARY ; darcey thinks that finally, all of her has learned to trust.

❝ we're only getting older, baby
and i've been thinking about it lately
does it ever drive you crazy
just how fast the night changes ❝
——

" HEY, babyface, 's the matter?" negan questions the girl sitting next to him on a fold up chair identical to his. darcey broke out of her deep thoughts at the sound of his voice, tearing her eyes off of their stare on the wall in front of her. she looks at negan for a moment, meeting his concerned facial expression with her emotionless one. they were currently seated in the meeting room with simon, arat, and two other saviours darcey wasn't sure the names of. as her not speaking wasn't unusual, negan was more bothered by her lack of blinking, and the lost in thought look on her face. she hadn't tuned in to their conversation once.

though he already know what was wrong. darcey stared back at him as her expression softened, her eyes telling him everything he needed to know. negan swallows hard, his eyes flickering to the empty chair at the end of the table, they never folded up the chairs from their previous meeting which left everything in tact. the person that usually took that spot was gone, and darcey had watched them die. the guilt was practically eating her alive, she couldn't stomach any food and had barely drank any water since. it made her sad that he was gone, she felt like she was somewhat responsible, maybe if she would've pulled him faster he'd be there in that meeting with them.

"quit that shit. don't you fucking dare blame yourself for this." negan mumbled low to the girl. he could tell she was doing exactly that just by the look on her face. darcey shook her head, sinking back into her chair as she crossed her arms over her chest, tearing her eyes off of the leader, and instead focusing them on the table in front of her. negan tried to tune back into the conversation at hand, but it was hard to when he knew darcey was thinking the worst things about herself. he propped his elbow up on the table, cupping his chin in his hand with his expression hard and stern.

darcey refused to meet his gaze as he continued glancing at her every few seconds. she was clearly in the middle of a mental battle with herself, and it was undoubtedly making her frustrated. she was so disappointed in herself, for letting down someone that had been nothing but kind and accepting towards her. in darcey's mind, she deserved to feel every ounce of guilt and self hatred she was currently feeling. maybe if she just stayed out of the way nothing like that could happen again, she'd stop telling negan what to do and when not to do it. if she had just listened to him in the beginning her father never could've gotten to joey.

"you's are fucking excused." negan tells the saviours as he lifted lucille and banged it on top of the table. darcey flinched at the sudden loud noise, her shoulders jumping in reaction. the girl turned to watch the others flee out of the room, though simon and arat rose in a much slower pace. darcey turned her head back over to negan, only to find him glaring harshly at her, he hadn't moved his position in minutes, and judging by his facial expression and locked jaw, she knew she was in trouble.

she panically looked back over to arat and simon, sending them both desperate, pleading looks — not that she was afraid of negan, she just really didn't want to hear his lecture about joey's death wasn't her fault, since it wouldn't change the way she felt anyways. "don't fucking look at them for help — arat, get the hell away from her," negan cursed the woman when she tried to quickly grab onto darcey's hands and pull her out of the room with her. darcey giggled quietly at the woman when she held her hands up in mock surrender.