Make Me Learn

7 - Desire

I texted Louis on the walk to college. I would have taken the bus, but I needed the fresh air. It also added twenty minutes onto my journey, so I didn't have to spend as much time in the house, giving my mum the cold shoulder after last night. My clean bandaged hand nestled in the pocket of my leather jacket, hiding from the nip of the morning breeze.

My phone screen glowed at me, displaying my message. I'd wrestled with the wording for most of the walk, finally settling on 'i wanna give it a try, can we meet?'. The timestamp told me I'd sent it only a few minutes ago, but it felt like an hour already. It was going to be torture to have to wait all day for a response.

Reaching the college gates, I pocketed my phone. A gaggle of pubescent men with muddy sports bags hanging from their shoulders turned their heads in my direction. I spotted Jackson's purple nose. I ducked my head and picked up my pace, wishing I'd worn a hoodie so I could hide my face.

Someone from the group was jogging towards me. I sped up. I could beat up one of them at a time, but if they all started on me at once, I was screwed.

"Damon!" Lester called, catching up to me.

I wheeled around. "You're mates with Jackson now?"

"Huh?" He glanced over his shoulder, back at the group. "It's just the rugby team, man. We're not tight or anything."

"Right," I said. "He say anything about me?"

Lester hesitated. "That's what I wanted to talk to you about."

"What? What did he say?"

"His parents want to get you suspended."

I scoffed. "Like that's actually gonna happen. This place is criminally incompetent."

"I wouldn't be so sure. You know who his dad his, right?"

"Why the fuck would I know that?"

"He's a huge donor for the college. He gave a tonne of money to the science department last year. We had an assembly on it?"

I furrowed my brow. "Really? I have literally no memory of that."

"Might've been when you skived off for two weeks," Lester suggested.

He was probably right. There was a period of time where I'd leave the house every morning, take the bus to the park, and wander around all day listening to music and smoking. It took Ms Jensen a fortnight to realise what was happening, and by that point I was bored enough to come back to college without much of a fight.

"So his dad's got a bit of a stranglehold on senior staff," Lester was saying. "And if he pushes to get you suspended, it might actually happen."

I shurgged to mask the dreaded stone forming in my stomach. "I'll believe that when I see it."

"You're not even a tiny bit worried?"

"No," I lied.

Lester wanted to say something else, but I ignored him, carrying on towards the Humanities building where I had my first lesson. Classics, with Ms Picket. It was a small mercy, and I could distract myself from thoughts of suspension and waiting for Louis's reply by submerging myself in ancient texts and their tragic heroes.

Still, I couldn't completely suffocate my impatience, and halfway through the lesson, I checked my phone under the desk. My heart flipped - he'd replied. I unlocked the screen with a shaking thumb.

"And Damon, how does Antigone's character fit into this idea of inevitable tragedy?"

I looked up, eyes flicking over the whiteboard. Ms Picket waited expectantly. I wet my lips. The ten other people in class seemed to collectively stare, judging me. "Well," I began, "she's doomed by her personality. She has her desires, and she won't back down, no matter how far past the point of reason they go. It's like the Chorus says - if it hadn't been for Antigone, none of this would have happened. It's her stubborness and bratty defiance to cede her desires, even when they can only cause harm, that brings about so much death."