A Billie Eilish Fanfic- Juvie

20 Questions Part 2

Cleo's POV

Billie gave me a sly smile in response and I saw her cheeks turn pink. I would never tell her that. She liked to act like a badass but deep down she was soft, for me, at least.

"Your turn, then," Billie responded.

"So are you...like gay?" I flinched at the sound of my own voice asking that. It sounded harsher than intended and I immediately shook my head, "I did mean for it to sound so..."

Billie laughed,

"No, you're all good. I am very very gay. I always knew I didn't like men. I'm what you call a gold star lesbian."

I had heard that term before because a few girls in the gang I was in were lesbians. I just had no interest in them. I don't think they had interest in me either.

"I don't know what I am. I feel like labels are so hard to commit to. I know I don't really enjoy sex with dudes. I mean penis is fucking ugly," I looked at Billie for approval and she nodded.

"I can imagine," she replied, "there's only one way to find out if you are."

I felt her eyes burning into mine. I tried to look down but she traced her finger under my chin and pushed my head up. Our eye contact was so sexual.

I have never been able to just look at someone and be aroused before, but I also don't think I've trusted anyone the way that I trust Billie. The list of people that I trust is short (thank you mom and dad). I had this nonstop yearning for committed, motherly and deep love. I wanted someone to love me like my mother should have. Not in a weird Norman Bates way, but in a real way. They were oddly comparable.

Billie pulled me onto her lap,

"How is this?" she started to rub the lower part of my thigh.

I nodded in agreement, but I was so nervous. It didn't feel right. I think Zendaya had really fucked me up. I started to feel overwhelmed from the slightest and lightest touch.

Billie traced her fingers around my knee caps softly and held me like she wanted to marry me and...I enjoyed it. I really did. I wanted to be loved but I felt tears in my eyes that stung as I tried to hold them in. I didn't want billie to think she did something wrong. It wasn't her fault that I'm so fucked up now.

"Cleo?" Billie realized I was crying and immediately stopped.

"I won't touch you anymore okay? I'm so sorry. This is just way too soon for you."

I had to cut our game short because I fell asleep that night crying in Billie's arms and telling her about the nightmares I had been having about Zendaya.