Colby left Samual to go on a business trip halfway around the world. What Colby doesn't know, that he was the glue to Sam's Sanity. And now that he's gone, with time zones blocking their communication. Sam is loosing himself, pushing his friend's aw...
Shit. I must of fallen asleep. I checked my phone and didn't even realize- it's 2:12 in the afternoon. For fuck sake. I have to get my sleeping pattern back in order before it kill's me, I have heard that not getting the sleep you need for a long period of time is enough to kill you, but I don't exactly know where I fit on that line.
Not only did I check the time. But Colby messaged me back. A painful sigh left my lips once I realized, he messaged me three hours after I sent that, that gave me confirmation to my brain that he was awake. It also gave me confirmation that I didn't matter to him as much as I thought I did.
I open up Instagram to see he's posted on his story, but in my head- I know I shouldn't check it, in my heart, well... my heart want's the extra confirmation that maybe I don't matter to him.
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So... he's having a lot of fun. Sometimes I wonder why he even need's me. Maybe I can act like I don't need him, and see how he responds then? No... I can't even go a day without texting this man. He's the reason I live and breathe today, and I care about him too much. Jesus. I just wish he'd care about me the same way I care about him. The same way I think about him. The same way I love him. But. Stuff like that is always too much to ask for.
I look at his message and stare at it for a while, feeling my heart break, how did my best friend- the person I'm the most close too, the person who knows most of my secrets. How is that the person that has no time for me anymore.
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I find myself not replying to his message, It's the smallest things that upset people, in my case, crying often is a habit. I hate constantly feeling alone, it's like that saying, you can be in a room full of people but still feel lonely. That's me. I'm the lonely person.
If only I had a magic wand to help people understand what I see. What I think. And what I've been through that makes me who I am, but people seem to get angry at me because of- well. Me. And it doesn't make me feel better about myself, it makes me want to distance myself from the world, and sit on a planet that has a population of Zero. Just me, and my head.
While I was in my thoughts, someone knocks on my door, and to my surprise, it's Corey.
'Hey Sam. Me and Jake are going to the beach to maybe drink some Vodka, we're bringing mixes so. Want to come?'
Corey asks. Maybe I should, but I know how disappointed Colby would be if he found out. He can act like he isn't. But I know how he gets if I drink with people that aren't him, I rub my head and let out a soft exhale.
"Sure Corey. Sure."
I replied, putting on a smile to hide the pain that's forming deep inside my heart, they don't need to know, but yet, I can guess I'll end up blurting it out later, once Corey leave's, I peer down at my phone and bite down onto my lip, making sure it's painful- wait what? Why am I doing that? I immediately stop. Why did I think about hurting myself, it's the smallest thing but I shouldn't do it.
Shaking my head I placed my phone underneath my pillow, still not replying to Colby's message.
It's not like he cares about me anyway....
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[Author's Words; next chapter will be about Corey Jake, and Sam getting drunk at the beach, stayed tuned, goodnight for now everyone. ]
