Things To Think About

Losing Them To Someone Else

I think what hurts the most about losing someone to another, is the fact that they were so close. So very close and yet, so easily gone. Seven months. Seven months of a glorious friendship. Seven months of desire, of want, of so many amazing memories. Seven months of all those mixed signals. "[He's ]got you mesmerized, while I die...You like [him] better."

"There's things I wanna say to you, but I'll just let you live." Knowing if you'd said anything sooner, if you'd have just confessed what you felt sooner, things would've gone much differently. But, fear struck harder and harder each and every time you'd tried. Even worse, knowing you've been in very similar situations before, watching it happen all over again. Feeling the same pain you felt before.

You'd always been there for them, at least as much as you could. You'd sat there through every tear, every heartbreak, every breakdown they'd let you see. You'd sat through all the laughs and smiles and excitements. You'd eventually started to lose sleep most nights, just to be awake if they decided to call at two in the morning, even just to speak absolute nonsense. You'd felt yourself slip from a mere friendship all the way to truly loving them. Wanting nothing more than to see them happy. To see them smile and laugh. To be ready to drop everything for them if they'd asked for your help. 

Eventually, hearing them speak so amazingly about other people broke you down. It hurt you to hear all the wonderful things that you were missing out on. Wishing you could've been in the place of the one they'd chosen but ultimately deciding that you couldn't keep their happiness from them. Developing that strong jealousy over the one they'd chosen. Finally realizing that they'd chosen who they wanted. Having to sit there at night hoping they'd call, or text, or facetime you like they'd always used to. Wishing you could fall asleep on the phone with them like you used to. Yet, at the same time, knowing they're doing that with someone else. Knowing that they're happy. That's what they wanted.

You'd fallen to the ground when they told you about the one they'd found happiness with. Of course you never let them know how badly it affected you, or else there would've been more issues to deal with. You'd broken down horribly that night. Not sleeping, just laying there trying to keep your tears silenced as everyone else in the house slept calmly. Blaming yourself that this had happened. Telling yourself it was all your fault that they had ended up with someone else.

You lie there, in your bed, wishing they were next to you, holding each other close through the night. Telling each other that everything would be alright. That they had nothing to fear as long as they were with you. Telling them that you'd always be there for them, that you'd always be there by their side through thick and thin. Then waking up and realizing you'd been daydreaming. Coming to realize that they'd be doing that with someone else. The realization that you wouldn't have that with them. Feeling your heart shatter into pieces. The shards of your heart cutting through like the blades of a knife. Feeling the depression sink in.