Broken But "I'm Okay"

part six

Later that night Tommy came up to our room.

"They said I had to come up here. I'm not allowed to get drunk with them." He huffed

"Ok"

"What's wrong? Did I do Something?"

"No. Don't worry about it"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Are you crying?"

"No."

"You are. What happened?"

"Nothing."

"I'm getting Wilbur..."

"No. Tommy."

"Wilbur will know what to do..."

"No. He won't."

"Then who will?"

"Tommy. Can you get Techno..."

"Sure."

I heard Tommy run to Techno's room and knock on the door muttering something.

"Hey Tommy. Why don't you go talk to tubbo for a bit. Okay?" Techno said

"Ok"

Tommy left and Techno tried to calm me down.

Now that Tommy had left I stopped trying to hold it back and gasped for air as I cried into my knees.

"Hey. Did something trigger it this time?"

I shook my head

"Okay. That's fine. Can you breathe okay?"

I shook my head again

"Alright. Remember slow breath's like mine."

I listened to his breathing but I couldn't match it. My breathing kept getting worse.

"It's gonna be okay. It's gonna be fine."

I shook my head again.

"Listen Dream. I know it hard but if you just relax it'll be okay again."

"I-"

"You don't need to speak. Just breathe okay?"

I nodded taking shaky breath's in.

Then I burst out crying again putting my  hands over my face.

"No... Shhh... It's fine" Techno whispered holding onto my wrists to remove my hands from my face

I pulled my wrists away, wincing. It still hurts.

"Dream... I need you to breathe... And then we've got to talk okay?"

I nod, my breathing getting slower and more even.

"That's good. See it's okay." He whispered hugging me tight.

"Yeah... I guess."

I forced a smile but quickly got rid of it.

"Dream. I'm not mad okay... Don't get upset about it. You can always say no."

"What?"

"Can I see you're wrists?" He said calmly.

"I- why?" I stuttered

"It hurt when I moved your hand didn't it..."

I nodded slowly.

"You hurt yourself?"

I nodded again looking at the floor.

"It's okay. Come here. You don't need to do that."

He pulled me into a huge hug that seemed to last hours though it was probably just a few minutes.

"Can I see?"

I nodded and rolled up my sleeves.

"Dream..." He gasped. "How many?"

I whispered "45"

"When?"

"Just before we decided to meet up."

"Dream, please don't do it again."

"I-"

"Please. Where's the knife?"

"I didn't bring it."

"Dream." He sounded scared now. "Just tell me where it is. Is it in your bag?"

"I don't have it."

"Dream please!" He almost yelled that time.

He was searching through my bag and hoodies now.

"Dream... Where is it."

I looked at my feet and pointed towards the drawer in the desk.

He flung it open and rummaged through the contents, grabbing the knife and putting it in his back pocket. He also took my razor.

"Dream. Why wouldn't you tell me?"

"I... I dunno"

"Don't hurt yourself Dream..." He looked  me in the eyes. "Promise me"

"Okay."

"Thank you" he whispered as he gave me a huge hug

Suddenly he left, without another word.

He left me

They all will

I'm not dealing with you yet.

Hes not coming back. You disgust him.

Just then Techno walked back in with a couple cheese sandwiches.

"Here. You're way to thin. It's not healthy."

"I'm not."

"Let me guess. The voice in the back of your head told you you were fat and you believed it?"

"It's right..."

"You're so thin that you look like you've not eaten in months..."

I looked at him

"When's the last time you had a proper meal?"

"I dunno... Not that long ago"

"Dream..."

"A couple weeks."

"How much weight have you lost since last month?"

"Im not sure..."

"Please eat the sandwiches. I promise you're not fat."

"Okay. Fine!"

I waited for him to leave so I could get rid of it but he just sat next to me rubbing my shoulder.

I bet you eat it. Youre disgusting.

But I'm so hungry...

Eat it. See if I care. You'll be fat again. They'll hate you call you ugly...

"Hes lying. The voice is lying Dream."

I looked back at him.

"He...he said..."

"I promise you that hes lying."

"B-but..."

"He just wants to hurt you."

"I.. know...but-"

"It's okay... The sandwich won't change anything bud. I'll stay here no matter what."

I took a bite and felt sick.

"Its fine. Take your time."

Eventually I'd finished the whole sandwich and he smiled.

"See you still look really thin"

I grinned at him "thanks.."