Her Forever

Chapter 1: Live, Laugh, Love

Alicia Marie Cowan

Unspoken feelings become the biggest weight on my heart,
I can't shake this weight even with all the feelings and memories
I miss you so much

There were things that needed to be said and
fights that needed to happen,
Silence stands like a wall that we can't break.
And our love no matter how true,
It will never do it's part,
Of bringing us together,
We stay forever apart.

They say that love can set you free that love conquers all. I want to believe that with every part of my being but life hasn't shown me the signs of a true love yet. Is he out there? Who is he? What's his story? Is he only mine? Will he have me at hello?
I guess the reason why I was always so fascinated about love is that the only true love I've seen in my life was my parents. Out of the billion love stories out there my parents' love story was the only true one. After my mother passed away my dad lived buried in her memories still sweetly smiling at every mention of her name.
I always wondered if I'll ever find a love so true and all consuming.
Someone who will consider me as important as my father considered my mother. His entire world came crashing down when he lost her. At times I feel that the only reason he was able to persevere was because I looked so much like her.
It's been three years since the accident. A year since I woke up from a two year coma to find out that my mom couldn't make it.
My mom was bringing me back from the dentist because one of my braces broke and we had to get it fixed.
I don't remember much else. Only that I woke up and two years had passed.
At least I have a schedule now. Back when I woke up, normal human activities were quite a conundrum for me, I had difficulty walking or eating, and more than that I had lost all connections to the outside world. All my friends graduated highschool and are now living their envious college lives which I so wish I was a part of. But all I can do is scroll through their social media and get drowned in a whole lot of what ifs.
I am glad that with everything that happened I was able to make a full recovery.
"Have to look for positives", as my mother used to say.
I remind myself of this, as I get ready for another day at school. I pick out a white shirt and a pair of pastel pink pants. I comb my strawberry blonde hair and put it up into a neat braid which I then pin up into a bun, making it look like a rose.
I hurry downstairs to find that my father has already left for his conference in Austin, Texas. He won't be back until Monday so I have the house to myself for the weekend as well as my part time job at his clinic. Which will need a lot more looking after in his absence.
I make some toast and pack up some PB&J's for school. Not because the lunch served at Carlisle Highschool is terrible but because I'd rather munch alone in a corner avoiding all glaring judgemental eyes and a thousand "I'm so sorry this happened to you Alicia" and "lemme know if you need something". I'm not one to ridicule politeness but after a while it turns into unwelcomed pity and makes you feel vulnerable.
After I'm all packed, I lock up the house with double checks on everything, and leave. I quickly get into my car and drive off.
Did I mention that I'm a 20 year old in my senior year?
There's no making friends or experiencing highschool love for me. It's repulsive to even look at these underage boys. Immature, full of themselves, still trying to find out who they are.
I'm quite surprised no one has bullied me yet for my age. They harass kids for so much less.
I go through the motions in my school. It's so boring at this point.
I was already near my graduation, when the accident happened. I was preparing for vet school, to follow my father's footsteps. It's a good thing that they allowed me to transfer credits I got from back then, or I would not have been able to stay on my grades and attend six months of physiotherapy at the same time.
After I'm done with school, I go to the graveyard to spend a few minutes with my mother. I like to think that she can hear me talking about my day, just like she did when she was in our kitchen.
I park my car and go inside the cemetery gates, taking small steps over the uneven stone path.
When I reach my mother's grave, I see the withered bouquet of tulips that was placed there by my father, a tell tale sign that he has left for his two-day conference.
He used to bring her flowers before leaving for trips when she was alive too. A small apology for leaving her alone even for that long.
I kiss my fingertips before pressing them on the gravestone that read Linda Doreen Cowan , saying hello.
Then, before I realise, I am there for an entire half an hour. Just standing there, wishing my mom was still alive. Quickly I wiped the tears that I didn't realise were falling from my eyes.
I look down at my phone and realize it's time for me to head to the clinic and check on little Remo, a client's pet rabbit who keeps getting his gums cut in different places by chewing on everything he isn't supposed to.
I made a stop at Rosie's, my favourite place to eat since I was a kid. The florist I used to work at was right next to it. Only abandoned and empty.
Once I was done filling up I rushed to the clinic. My father's clinic, even though it was small, it had all the appeal you'd need from a high class clinic.
Painted in a beautiful seafoam shade, the walls had pictures of cute puppies, bunnies and kittens. The pathway from the entry to the waiting room and operating room had paw prints. There was always calming music playing, although I'm pretty sure it sounded like boss music to pets who were here very often. Corners had indoor plants and all the furniture was a dark shade of cyan to match the walls.
The waiting room was empty today, since my father didn't want to make any appointments and put a burden on the nurses who were working in case there were emergencies.
I say hello to the short redheaded Linda who works on reception when I'm not there.
"Girl, it's the end of the month! What makes you think you can be that slow! Get behind this desk and get started on paperwork, now!"
One thing to know about Linda is that she hates paperwork. She handles everything other than that like a pro, but paperwork always makes her balk at mere sight.
"How long are nurses going to stay?" I ask her while keeping my bag behind the reception desk.
"About two hours or so more." Linda replies, quickly getting out of the way with her bag.
I realise that she has her things already packed and ready to go.
I look down on the desk and groan. I didn't mind paperwork at all, but goodness this is ridiculous. Thankfully, I was already ahead on this one, and had filled most of them earlier. Since Linda preferred not touching paper work, she didn't know that I had done daily extra work, so now all I did for about an hour was just sorting through things to see if I missed something.
I wasn't expecting anyone except Remo's owner. So I put on family guy and propped myself on the couch in my father's office.
I had already started dozing off when I heard the front door slam open and the sound of someone running in, "Hello! Is anyone here?!" A dismally mournful yet ever so slightly supercilious voice said.
I came running out of my father's office to see a man carrying in an adorable german shepherd whose front paw was wrapped in a makeshift bandage of sorts. This man was wearing what seemed to be the most expensive looking suit I've ever seen. He had chestnut brown hair, green eyes that had a look of worry in them a tall stature and lean muscles. He was possibly the second most handsome man I'd seen in my city after my friend Nathaniel.
I rushed over to them, eyes focused on the dog assessing damage in any other areas while asking, "What happened?"
"He shattered my favourite glass vase while running around my room and then while trying to inspect the mess he had made, he stepped on it."
I motioned for him to put the puppy on a gurney and took him to OR, only to find that all the nurses had already left. I call Nathaniel, the junior doctor who worked under my father in the clinic.
Nathaniel picked up on the third ring, and said hello, as if he was eating something. I quickly told him what had happened, and he listened carefully, asking questions. I answered ones I could, and relayed ones I didn't know to the dog's owner, who was getting more and more irate by the moment.
After discovering, via my observation while I cleaned the wound, that it was a shallow wound with no glass shards stuck to the paws, Nathaniel left me to just bandage and clean the wound.
This level of chill was why I had a strong crush on Nathaniel Langston. He maintained his cool so well in even the most stressful situation. He has his own way of handling coerce situations which make him seem a lot older than he is. He's always stayed level headed and forthcoming. His personality is just magnetic in every respect along with his irresistible charms and a decent sense of humor. Nathaniel is my ideal type in every way.
I quickly bandage up the dog, and bring in the patient information form for the owner to fill.
By the time he is done filling it, Nathaniel is there to inspect on everything. He quickly operates the x-ray machine to double check on lack of glass shards, because glass loves getting in and not getting out.
He didn't find any deep seated glass shards and patted the dog on his back in a wigging manner.
"Don't go running off onto glass, silly." Nathaniel teased Toby, who seemed much happier and answered with a thankful bark.
I tried to take the patient information form from the owner but he raised his hand containing the form. I would have thought he was playing a game of come and get me, if he had not been looking that furious.
"When did you mean to tell me that you are not a doctor? That you were just playing it. My dog's life was on the line!" he shouted at me.
"I never said I was the doctor." I tried to placate him, my arms raised in 'please be calm, I'm not a threat' position.
"Well, you had no problem playing house of doctor with your boyfriend here, now, did you?" He shouted again, louder now.
This was when Nathaniel came forward, and said, "Mr. Walsh, I am a doctor. Doctor Nathaniel Langston."
Walsh? As in The Quentin Walsh? I thought he looked familiar.
Oh my God! He'll have our hide, just because he wants to.
Nathaniel continued "I was on the phone with Miss Alicia Cowan here the entire time she was with your dog, and came here as soon as I could. Miss Alicia here, is the daughter of Doctor Nelson Cowan. She has been on pre-med school training from her father for a while now, and has been a helper in many surgeries done in this clinic, albeit without actual participation. Please be assured that your dog had never been in any danger."
My God, I am so proud of Nathaniel for standing up for us. But Walsh is correct here too. I have no business being in OR, no matter what.
"I'm sorry, Mr. Walsh. I was just very worried about your dog to think about the consequences of being in OR. And I'm sure that Doctor Langston had been too, to remind me to get out of here or recommend to you to go elsewhere." I say in my most earnest and calming tone.
Quentin Walsh nods his acceptance, after thinking a while and gives me the form. I get out of the OR and Quentin follows me there.
"So, you were playing doctor with your doctor boyfriend?" he says, as if trying to get a rise out of me.
"He is not my boyfriend, Mr. Walsh." I wish he was.
I sit down behind the reception desk, and get to filling in details of his dog.
"Will you be keeping him here overnight, or can I take him with me now?" Quentin asked.
Wow, his voice is pure bliss to listen to in it's normal tone.
"I think the doctor will let you take him back now, sir. The injury was not anything serious." I tell him, looking up from my work.
He looks much more handsome too. Way better than the pictures and T.V.
Somehow, I managed to fail to notice him at all during all that commotion.
It is quite hard to look away from him, once you start looking.
Thankfully the moment was broken by the arrival of Remo's owner. I quickly went off from behind my desk, getting Remo.
By the time I was done, Nathaniel was already in reception with a coned, now not-so-happy-about-being-coned german shepherd.
I quickly gave Quentin his bill, he made his payment and left.
I thank Nathaniel for coming over on such short notice. He nods, saying "Anytime."
After Natheniel leaves, I turn down everything and close the clinic.

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