To be

"If you need someone to carry you."

I didn't happen to mention where we are going, did I? I mean you should put two and two together with the buses and the suitcases— okay shut up Callie.

Everyone in high school waits for a chance to get away from their parents to take a one week vacation to Washington D.C. The teachers claim it to be educational to "reinforce social studies educational topics," but the most educational thing is not getting swept up in all the Trump protesters when we go to the White House for pictures.

The Top all loaded on to the bus, and I have to say, maybe my $200 dollars into this trip was worth it.

The seating looked amazing. There were two chairs on each side of a table and a TV was hung every three tables. The windows were lined with gold and the table were stark white marble. The chairs looked like something I could actually sit in for 4 hours. This glamorous seating though meant one thing, we weren't in even numbers.

The Top headed straight for the back of the bus and came to the situation. There were only 4 seats in each table and 7 of us.

Daria spoke up. "I say Arty, Klancy, and her highness 'Heather' at one table and the rest of us at another." I immediately wanted to protest being next to the boys who were just harassing me earlier. Thankfully, Chance beat me to it.

"I say twins and boys sit together. Then to move forward on our plan of attack to be able to swim at the hotel's pool, me and you," gesturing to Daria, "will sit together with our teachers to convince them to give us as much freedom on the trip as possible." He then turned to me. "I know you are also an influential student but we have more... provincial backgrounds." Chance said. "Also that little stunt with Coldplay-"

"Cosplay."

Chance grimaced a bit from the girly word. "Yeah, that costs us some, so you're going to have to do the worst I can sentence you." He placed a hand on his hip and tilted his head back. God, he was hot.

Even how he was dissing me now, I'm still falling.

My phone vibrated. I looked down at my phone, I usually was used to seeing blue from Twitter or Facebook. Instead, a green and white icon popped up.

Sent at 5:21
"And hey"
"Could you face the crowd?"
"Could you be seen with me and still act proud?"

I wanted to say yes and respond with the next lyrics. Chance coughed to try and regain my attention. What was I doing? I don't even know this kid! He's gonna delete all the work I've created to get myself here. I decided to ignore his messages and redirect my attention to Chance.

"You're going on bus 2, there is an overflow on this bus. I know because Clancy hacked the computer so we can flow around the unwanted out of our bus. There will be one person who needs to go." Chance took a breath, half-lidded eyes looking no where in particular as he delivered the verdict. "You're going to sit with the commoners."

Internally, I was rolling my eyes and wanting to mention that I am a commoner. It took me a second to realize I have one more year left. One.

On the outside, I blushed and apologized. The Top (and I?) waited for the rest of the students to flow in.

...

Finally, when everyone got in their seats and everyone settled down. Mrs. Coffee was the only one standing. Only, as expected, there was no seat for her to sit into. She spoke into the walkie-talkie, and grunted.

"Okay students, there's been a miscalculation. One student needs to go to the other bus."

My hand flew up, not revealing the secret of high school hierarchy behind its automatic reflex.

"I'll go Madam Coffee." I said in a kind, soft voice. I knew Mrs. Coffee like the back of Chance's neck. She has been married a while and she is very happy with it. It's been a while since she has found joy in her job. She is my English teacher and everyone just gets things done to get a letter. I do that too. I don't reveal much in my writing, but I always find a little bit of me in every piece. If it's a girl in a world destined to be against her, a boy in foster care, or drinking problems; you'll know its from me. I find myself enjoying narratives, but I always feel limited having knowledge of how much power the Top has. She's not my favorite teacher, she has become dull and tired over the years.

Mrs. Coffee gave me a tired and relieved look. "Thank you Ms. Caddle for making my job easier."

I stood up from my seat and waited for Mrs. Coffee to walk down the the aisle and take it. I tried not to feel the shock of other students, and instead tried to focus on making Mrs. Coffee happier by pairing her with responsible valedictorians. Then I walked down the aisle myself. I could feel Daria's smug smirk smiling as I walked away and out of the bus.

Once I was outside, I took a deep breath and leaned against the bus. Did I have to go on this trip at all? My stuff was already in there, but I could just wait until Friday to get it back. No one was here, and all I needed to do is breathe. "In the tiniest lifeboat," I sang in a soft, quiet voice. "With people I know..." The December wind blew against my exposed skin. My skirt and black t-shirt didn't provide much protection from it, but the view of the sunrise was worth it.

"It gets crowded doesn't it?" I should've turned around and screamed like a normal person, but being a normal person sounded draining right now. I nodded. The sky was dark still but the burning sun peeked over the horizon, not ready to reveal itself yet. People generally lean towards sunsets, but I couldn't agree. I felt like I could almost relate to it.

"Even when there is one person. Someone is still there to perform for." I nodded and slid to the ground. I pulled my knees to my chest, trying to block out the noise, even though no one was there. I tried to remember the sunrise but chaos clouded around me and I couldn't see, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't move.

"Hey, hey, it's ok." I heard a shuffling of feet. I tried not to shake, but I could not control it. "Actually, no it's not. But we can't let them see that, ok? If it's what thing I learned from this heck-hole, it's don't cry at school." I felt something placed on my head and on my ears.

Headphones.

The cushion-y feeling on my ears added to the hands on my shoulders didn't have any place in my healing. It was the music that was playing. I looked down at the screen even though I knew what it was. "Hasa Diga Eebowi" from Book of Mormon. I quietly laughed, wiping the fear away from my eyes.

"Come on Heather, just walk, that's all you have to do."

So I walked.

And for once I didn't feel like I was acting or sleeping.

I was listening. And it was so much easier just to listen.