Coming Home: Mandy Gonzalez

3

April 18, 1996
Thursday

I woke up Thursday morning when Daddy came in and sat on the edge of my bed. "Hey baby girl. It's 8:15. Time to get up. Your teachers sent your mom home with all your work last night. So, can you get up and come to the kitchen to get some breakfast please?" I nodded slowly, feeling anxious. Daddy would be leaving for work at 8:45. I got out of bed and followed Daddy to the kitchen.

"Daddy? Can I have a hug?" I asked, my voice almost a whisper.

"Of course princesa." He gave me a hug and kissed the top of my head. "I love you so much sweetie."

"I love you too Daddy." I said as he hugged me. I hugged him back and just stood there.

"Okay Mandy. Get some breakfast. I have to finish getting ready for work." Daddy said, letting go, kissing my head one more time.

I nodded and made some peanut butter toast, with a banana on the side. I ate as I worked on some school work. I knew Mama would bring me my school work for the week on Monday and then bring it in the next week. I was nervous but I knew that I would be fine.

At 8:45, Daddy kissed my head, and told me to have a good day. I bid him goodbye for the day and continued on my work.

As I worked, my phone rang. I answered, not checking the caller ID. "Hello?" I said.

"Mandy? I wasn't expecting you to answer." Marcus. Why did it have to be Marcus?

"Why the hell are you calling me?"

"You're not in school? I got worried about you?"

"Well, because you told the entire school that you got me pregnant, I got threats so I have to do school from home from now on." I said angrily. "I'm done talking to you, Marcus. Please don't ever call me again. Do you understand?"

"Wait. Mandy...are you keeping the baby? If you are, please, let me be there for you, and for our kid."

"I'm putting the baby up for adoption. I can't keep the baby. Now please, never call me again." I said and hung up. My phone rang again. I answered, assuming it was Marcus. "I thought I told you to never call me again!" I harshly said.

"Mandy? Are you okay?" It was Monica's voice.

"Oh my god, Monica, I am so sorry. I didn't check the caller ID and I thought it was Marcus calling and I'm so sorry."

"Hey, hey, Mandy. It's okay. And wait...what happened with Marcus? I thought you two were doing so well?"

"Marcus broke up with me." I said softly. "It's a long story that I'd rather tell you in person. On Saturday." A sigh escaped my lips. I wanted to tell her now, so badly. I just wanted her to know so that she could tell me she hated me. Or so I would know that she loved me and would always be there for me.

"Okay. How about Sunday, you and I go and do something super fun together. Like we get our nails done or something."

"I'd like that." I said, silently adding if you don't hate me by then. "So...uh, why'd you call?"

"Oh, um, I was wondering if you could ask Principal Hawk if she'd be willing to let me do my TA stuff at your school this year. I'd totally be willing to do it in your English class."

"I can't this week. It turns out that my stomach bug isn't any better so I'm staying home for the rest of the week. I went home sick yesterday. They think it might be like the stomach flu or something so we're just playing it safe." I lied. She'd know the truth on Saturday.

"Oh no sis. Feel better. I promise I'll see you tomorrow. We can relax and watch movies together. We'll have the best weekend together. And by Monday, you'll feel so much better."

"Thanks, Monica. Hey, I gotta go. Molly needs to go outside. She's standing at the door."

"Okay. Give her some love for me. A nice belly rub for the best dog ever."

"I will. I love you bye, Monica."

"I love you goodbye, Mandy." Monica hung up and I took Molly outside.

As I walked Molly down the road, I got lost in thought. Like, what if I did keep the baby? What if I let Marcus back into my life purely for the sake of the baby? Would he even be willing? He asked if he could be in the baby's life. No. I couldn't keep the baby. And I couldn't let Marcus back into my life. Ever.

Molly barked at a squirrel, pulling me out of my thoughts. "Molly, no. Leave the poor thing alone." I said and held tighter to the collie's leash.

At that point, I decided to turn around and head home. I walked slowly, making sure that Molly stayed by my side. I hated when she pulled on the leash. It always made me feel like either my arm would be pulled from it's socket or the poor dog would choke herself. So I made sure she stayed by my side.

When we got home, I unlocked the door and headed inside. It was almost noon, the time being 11:55 and I decided to make something to eat. I wasn't too hungry as I was super anxious. So I just made myself a ham and cheese sandwich and ate a couple apple slices.

After lunch, I got back to doing school work at the kitchen table, tears filling my eyes again. I didn't know why I kept getting this emotional. Well, maybe I did. I was a teenager and I was pregnant. I was scared, and I felt so alone and isolated.

As I continued to work, the tears started to fall. All I wanted was my mom. I knew that Daddy was doing his best to comfort me when he was home and when Mama wasn't, but Mama was just better at it. And Mama was right, I was a mama's girl. She was the person I felt closest to in this world. She made me feel understood, safe, comfortable and at complete ease.

As I cried, I heard a knock on the door. Wiping my eyes, I got up and opened the door. Standing there was Marcus. "What do you want?" I asked.

"We need to talk." He said.

"No. I'm not talking to you." I went to close the door but Marcus caught it, opening it again. "Why the hell would we need to talk? Why should I even listen to a word you have to say?! You got me pregnant, then I told you, which was the right thing to do, and your reaction was to break up with me. So tell me, why the hell I should talk to you?"

"Mandy, I know I was a dick, but I want to talk about our baby."

"It's not our baby. It's not going to be our baby. I'm giving it up for adoption. I can't be a mom, Marcus. I'm only 17. That's much too young to be a mom."

"Mandy, please. Can we at least consider keeping our kid? I never told you, but I was adopted too. And it's so hard to grow up, wondering why your parents didn't want you. If you weren't good enough or if they didn't love you or if something bad happened to them. You just never know why." Marcus said, tears in his eyes.

"Okay. So that was your experience. But I'm going for an open adoption so I can still be in the baby's life. But I will not be listing a father on the birth certificate so the baby doesn't have to know that their father is such a dick." I went to close the door again and he opened it back up.

"Mandy! This is my kid too! Please!"

"It's never going to be your kid, it's never going to be my kid. Because as soon as it's born, it's going to be adopted into another family. Now please, Marcus. Just leave."

"Fine. But I will find a way to be in my baby's life." He turned and I watched him walk down the driveway to his car. I shut the door, locked it again and began crying again. Seeing him hurt.

I went back to work on my assignments and wiped my eyes. This was so hard. Everything about being pregnant as a teen.

By 4:45, Mama was home. I was in my room when she got there. I heard the front door open and I ran out and into her arms. "Mama!" I cried.

"Hi Mandy. What's wrong baby?"

"Everything, Mama. Marcus showed up this afternoon." I said, tears rolling down my face. "He wants me to keep the baby. But I can't. I won't. I just can't." I cried harder.

Mama rubbed my back. "Hey, baby, listen to me. You don't need to keep the baby. I promise you. You don't need to keep it. It's completely your choice."

"Okay."