puzzles of a heart | spencer reid ✓

nine

The windows fogged from her warm, rhythmic breath against its surface. She watched as the droplets of water rolled down in a frenzy, and the skyscrapers bathed in the fog from the storm. The lights in her room were off, and she wrapped a blanket around her as she rested her head against the cool glass, watching the blurred commotion beneath her. Her hair was still damp from her shower, it was nearing midnight and she felt no desire to sleep. Valeria was consumed by the consternation stirring in her stomach, and the sudden wave of emptiness that had uncomfortably nested inside of her since she had gotten into the taxi.

Dinner was a battle, and she struggled to maintain the smile she had plastered on her face. She excused herself earlier than the rest, ran a bath and read the book Spencer picked for her back in San Francisco. She was reminded of the first week in Nashville when he had apologised to her with doughnuts in the middle of the night, and how they had talked into the early hours of the morning. It was out of character for his diffident self, and she always knew he had only tried to make a good impression of the BAU.

A phone call to her best friend at college was short-lived due to the time differences, and her ineffable mood only descended after hanging up. The spot beside the bed by the window was a cozy fort, and she piled the pillows and spare quilts to create a makeshift bed. The rain was supposed to be comforting, but the world was a dark melancholy blue.

A gentle knock on the door startled her, and she quickly sprang up, dragging the large blanket with her on the way to the door.

She stared up at Derek standing in the brightly lit hallways. "What's up?"

He looked behind her into the murky darkness of her room and down at Valeria clutching the blanket around herself, raising an eyebrow in question. "I just wanted to see how you were, I wasn't sure if you were sleeping or not."

"Oh, uh, I told you, I'm just really tired." She doesn't invite him in, standing firmly in the opening of the door. As much as she wanted Derek's company, she didn't need it. It was only going to complicate things and she wanted nothing more than to spend time alone with her despondent thoughts. It was simpler if she just went to sleep.

Valeria wondered if she was making a mistake by pushing him away.

"Are you sure?" His dark eyes searched her muted expression, but she didn't give anything away and remained a neutral appearance.

Derek looked so gentle and homely and supportive that she wanted to inch the door open and allow him in. "Yeah, but thank you for checking up on me."

"Okay." He doesn't seem convinced. "Have a good night of sleep, alright? We have a flight to catch early tomorrow."

She didn't know what to say and shrugged. "Thank you, again."

Valeria swallowed a lump in her throat and gave Derek a small hug, burying her face into his chest before letting go. She mumbled a goodnight and closed the door behind her before she could let herself cry. She didn't understand herself, for there was nothing she was crying about. It was seemingly nothing and everything at the same time. It was one of those nights where nothing felt okay.

She knew she shouldn't, she knew it was impulsive, but she needed Spencer's company. He'll make her feel alright again, he'll make the world stop spinning and make the gloom go away. He would, right? She debated sending him a text, but Valeria doubted that he was going to check his phone this late in the night. Second thought, he never checked his personal phone, the only technology he used was compulsory by the FBI and even then he complained constantly.

His room was beside her's, and Valeria remembered because she had made a joke about them being inseparable as they checked in during the day. There was a locked door that connected the two rooms. She figured she should at least try, and if he didn't want to speak to her, it was alright. At least then she would know how he truly felt.