Inside Her Soul

1

Ivy's POV:

Living a life with three obnoxious assholes down your head was hard enough.

But dealing with a sickening disease stuck with you till death was impossible.

My whole life hadn't been easy and being diagnosed with diabetes surely added the icing to the cake. I was far from overwhelmed but I couldn't do anything. Even if I wanted to.

I stuck to myself most of the time because I had nothing else to do. Sleep, eat, go to school then repeat. It was a never ending cycle.

But my life was. I just had the option to remain existing in it. And it all came down to me not having the courage.

Taking such drastic measures was a coward move, I knew that. But for me it was different. The moment I'd have those haunting thoughts creep inside of me, I would shake it off and force myself to focus on something else.

It was almost as if I'd been in a near death experience that I was so afraid. So afraid of taking my own life to have that relishing freedom welcoming me with open arms.

But that wasn't the only thing weighing my exhausting life down.

It was the loss of my parents that had me crying out in agony, in the dreadful silence. I never mourned aloud but in my own mind, in my own soul.

It was more effective that way. It had me realise I was in fact an orphan with no parents anymore. That amongst all the people around me I truly was alone. It showed how easily your life could deflate from a ten to a scorching negative two.

Mom was my best friend. We never had the classic mother daughter relationship but the ones sisters did. It was nice having a girl who understood my struggles and not a parent who neglected their kids health and forced work upon work on them.

She was different and I liked different.

The woman I looked up to got ripped away from my life as I sat back wondering when I'd next get to see her. If I could be back with her earlier than possible.

But watching her life vanish from her eyes was something I wished I could go back from. It wasn't ideal for a twelve year old to witness her mother's heart rate machine flatline but what more could you do?

I saw it, I got scarred from it and now I'm in the beginning of recovering from it. Although, I had a strong feeling my poisoned mind would allow those horrific thoughts to consume me whole, having the grieving stage a piece of cake for me.

But I just wish I would have known that not everything appealing came with a guarantee to an easy life.

Or a life at all...

• • •

"Why not?" I groaned, following after my oldest brother as he walked into the kitchen.

He'd just gotten home from a club with his friends and I jumped straight into the opportunity to lure him into my trap.

I wanted a bit of time where I wasn't feeling so suffocated in a house that was starting to become less of a painful reminder of what it once used to be.

A family that wasn't torn apart from their hearts.

I just wanted to taste the euphoric feeling of bliss where all your worries would emerge into something tinier than you'd have to keep an eye on. Even if it would last shorter than expected, it was still something.

"Not happening Ivy. Forget about it." He let out a frustrated sigh, walking over to one of the kitchen cabinets.

He returned towards the counter, a medium sized glass in his hand with a bottle of whatever alcohol he drank regardless of the time. He'd just gotten back from a club that no doubt had a bar situated with, which most likely meant he had a couple of drinks.