THIS HAS MENTIONS OF SELF HARM. DO NOT READ IS THAT TRIGGERS YOU.
Soooo I have a doctors appointment tomorrow AND my dumbass cut my legs over and over again. I have over 21 cuts on my left leg and about 10 on my right. My parents and I haven't gotten along any better and I'm still bombing math. My sibling saw them and pointed them out and now I'm getting lectures here and there. If my parents find out it's gonna be the same old "what are you using and let me get mad at that rather than asking you how your well being is or fixing it" because I doubt they'd fix themselves in a second. My math teacher doesn't believe two shits I say and let alone I sit there trying to help all my friends but not be a bitch who goes "iM jUsT tHe therApIst 😭😭" or whatever. All I know is I'm done with everything and anything.
But, I'm scared the doctors are gonna see somehow so I'm gonna wear tight leggings (so smart don't even). I don't want a therapist nor do I want someones pity. I want to feel ok myself and not feeling okay because someone else had to help me build up to that.
Not only that, I'm with someone who makes me uncomfortable with all the nicknames, cutie, babe, baby, love, etc. And in what fucking mind did I think it was smart to push away the one person who made me fucking happy and knew me better then I knew myself?
My best friends grandpa died today, or earlier this morning, and I sobbed hours on hours about it. He felt like another dad to me or just a male role model that didn't judge me for breathing. He was an amazing man and it pisses me off fucking cancer took him. Cancer.
I don't find reasons as to why I should keep fighting a losing battle anymore. It's just- like swearing you'll Beat someone up knowing you can't.
Speaking of beating up, I'm suppose to beat some bitch up tomorrow but my legs hurt so much I can't. They're so sore and I'm not gonna be able to do anything. I'm screwed.
I hate life with a burning passion and this is why :)
