Clipped Wings

2

I arrived at HQ with an empty wagon. I had given the families their children, each one reacting worse than the last. Erwin arrived a day prior to me. I can't face him yet, not looking the way I do. I quickly head to my room and try to avoid anyone and everyone. Finally, I'm able to change into fresh clothes after a bath. I pull my hair into a high pony tail and head to Erwin.

When I get to his door, my chest feels as if it will explode, my mind is clouded with the millions of ways this is going to turn out. I take a deep breath and knock.

"Enter," Erwin's voice echoes.

I sheepishly enter the room and close the door behind me. There is a stack of papers in front of Erwin and he's sorting through them. Upon closer look, I see that they're death certificates. He looks up at me and stands. I give him a salute and he waves his hand as a signal for me to relax. I sit in the chair directly in front of his desk. I have to do this without becoming emotional.

"Commander Erwin, I-"

"I already know of your losses, Captain Rena," he says as he sits back down.

I take a deep breath. "My entire squad is dead, Commander. We were ambushed by several abnormals."

He doesn't say anything. Instead, he just looks at me. I'm trying to hard to keep it together right now, please don't say those words-

"Are you hurt, captain?" he gestures to my head and shows no emotion other than a stern face.

"I've got some bruises, my left wrist might be fractured, my forehead was cut with flying Titan debris. Sir, I am so sorry for failing you-"

"We have suffered losses greater, you are not to blame" he cuts me off.

I feel the tears welling up but I blink hard to keep them back. Someone knocks on the door and Erwin tells them to enter. It's Hange. I manage a weak smile to them, they look concerned for me.

"Oh Rena, you're back! I'm sorry to hear of your squad though. I'm sure it was a hard journey back," they say.

I thank Hange for the welcome back and Erwin dismisses me with orders to get rest and heal. I close the door behind me and I fall apart. I run towards the field so I can be far enough away for no one to hear me scream.

However, once I get to the edge of the field, I see a familiar figure. Slender, with black hair, shaved underneath, and a book in hand as he sits against a tree. Levi. I haven't seen him since I was promoted to a Captain, but I've kept up on his expeditions. He was so rebellious and angry in the training corps, but once he started going up in rank, he calmed down a bit. I kind of liked his rebellious side, he was actually pretty funny.

He looks up from his book and instantly makes eye contact with me. I wipe my face with my hands and manage a small 'hey ya'. He stands up and brushes his pants off almost methodically.

"Rena, it's been a while," he says in his usual monotoned voice.

He stops a few feet from me and studies my face. I know he can see how puffy my eyes are. Not even Levi has seen me cry.

"What are you reading this time," I say, not allowing the emotion to escape my throat.

"Hange's reports on her 'pets'" he rolls his eyes a little.

"Ah, what are their names this time?" I ask, joyful to have a distraction.

Levi catches me up on all the things I've missed. Hange's titan experiments, the losses in Erwin's ranks, the way the towns reacted to them coming home empty handed, same as me. I sigh and lay in the grass.

"I don't know what to do anymore," I say a little too honestly.

Levi sits next to me.

"Hey, don't beat yourself up too much. There was nothing you could have done differently," he says as he looks at the sunset.

"I just feel like no one can follow me after this. Levi, all 6 members of my squad are-" my voice was starting to shake.

"All for the sake of humanity..." he mumbles.

"What am I going to do?" I sit up.

"You'll get assigned a new post. Probably one where no one has to look at that sorry face of yours," he says with a hint of sarcasm. He glances at me.

I smile a little. "Yeah, you can thank Clara's mom for this one," I point to the large bandage on my forehead.

I hug my knees and sigh. It's nice to see my best friend again, I don't feel as alone anymore.