Clipped Wings

4

Two years have passed since Wall Maria and Shigashina were breached. Most of the refugees remain in Wall Rose, however, some attempted to flee to Sheena. When Levi's Squad returned from their scouting mission, I couldn't believe what they were saying.

~~

"A titan more than 50 meters tall smashed a hole in Shigashina's wall" Petra exclaimed as she was holding back tears.

"More than 50 meters?!" I fall back into my chair. "What about Wall Maria?"

"According to witnesses, a titan with armor-like skin crashed through Maria," Levi sat in the chair next to me.

"Do we know how or if we can fix the holes?"

"I don't think we would ever have the man power,"  Oluo says while rubbing his neck.

~~

For the past 2 years, I've been getting to know the three members of my new squad. They're good people. Luckily for them, we haven't been sent beyond the walls yet. Our assignment is to help train the 104th Cadet Corps for the next 3 years. Today is the first day we see the recruits.

I stand with Keith Shadis as he breaks in the new recruits. A girl with brown hair pulled into a ponytail is eating something as Keith is laying down the rules. He stops directly in front of her and demands an answer as to why now is the correct time to be eating. She responds with something along the lines of "the steaming potatoes were just sitting there, looking so good".

She breaks the potato in half and offers it to Keith. I notice the half she offers is the smaller half, not that it really matters, Keith won't take it anyways. To set an example, he makes potato girl run until the sun sets. Her friends around her all look either terrified or embarrassed.

At dinner, I sit with the other captains. I tell them about potato girl and Hange bursts into laughter. Levi and I tell them to quiet down.

"No, that's hilarious! Right in front of Keith too!" They smack the table, causing our drinks to spill a little.

Levi scoffs a little and cleans up both mine and his own drink.

"Hange, you have to be mindful of those around you sometimes," he says as he takes the plates from the table.

Hange doesn't look apologetic, but they hold back the rest of their laughter. I would have laughed at the time, but I was so nervous for the girl that I couldn't find it amusing. Now that I look back on it, the girl's got some balls.

I excuse myself from the table and go help Levi with the dishes. It has been nice to be around him again. He definitely isn't as rebellious as he was in our cadet corps but he's still him. Sometimes, going outside the walls as much as he does can change a person. He's seen his fair share of death.

"You know how Hange is, when something makes them laugh, its gonna be a good one," I say as I put the dishes in the cabinet.

"I'm not mad, they just made a mess," He dries his hands.

Levi is particular about keeping things organized and clean. Most people make fun of him for it(behind is back of course, no one would dare do it to his face), but I understand why he does it. Living in the Underground is hell. The streets smell of sewage and the people there have to resort to crime to get by. He wants to  disconnect his past from himself now. He also wants something he can be in control of. Sometimes I catch a glimpse of his pain when he's cleaning, but he's very good at hiding it.

"I'm going to go visit them, do you want to come?" I ask him.

He just nods and follows me. Around this time 6ish years ago, Levi lost two of his friends. Isabel and Furlan. It wasn't the first time he has dealt with death, but these ones hit him extremely hard. They were his best friends, Isabel was like his little sister. I know he still blames himself, but he isn't at fault. When we arrive to their graves, I place flowers on them. Levi sits in front of them in silence.

I'm not sure how much time passes when Levi starts to talk.

"2 years ago, when I heard about your squad, it reminded me of them," he says as he looks at the moon.

"They didn't know if you survived yet, they just knew your squad hadn't returned on the day you were supposed to." He lays back. "I was actually concerned that you didn't make it."

I rarely get the sentimental side of him. Most of the time, he keeps his emotions inside. I lay back on the grass next to him, with a good amount of distance between us.

"I almost gave up," I pause to see his reaction. He is just listening to me, so I continue.

"We were all packed up and ready to go. Then, we heard a scream from the wooded area behind us. It was Clara, she was in the hands of a 5 meter," I put my arm across my eyes to hide the tears demanding to break free.

"A 5 meter is nothing by itself, but there were at least 10 more titans ranging from 5 meters to 15 right behind it. Clara was snatched from the 5 meter and ripped in half by a 15 meter. The other members of my squad fought hard, with all their hearts," My voice was starting to crack.

"But we knew we couldn't just run back to the walls. We wouldn't be able to enter Shigashina's gates until surrounding titans were clear. We would be leading at least 10 titans back home."

"Rena, you don't have to relive it," he says as he sits up.

"I didn't tell you this when it first happened. It's taken me 2 years to accept what happened," It was my fault.

"The titans seemed like they were teaming up on us, we could barely watch our own backs, let alone each other's. I tried to save them," my voice completely breaks at this point. "But it was too late. So as they were eating my squad, I killed every last Titan in the area." I sit up and hug my knees. "If only I acted sooner-"

"You would have died," he says as he stands up. "But you did what you had to do. Your squad knew the risks. Stop blaming yourself."

Like you blame yourself for Isabel and Furlan.

He gives me his hand to help me up. I take it, though I didn't need it. Know he's just trying to make me feel better, so I try not to push away his gestures.

"Let's head back," he says, still holding my  hand.

"I have a big day tomorrow, gotta train the newbies on ODM gear," I pause. "I wonder if I'll have any rebels to send to the stables for already knowing how to use it."

I saw a small smile appear on his face and he rolled his eyes. He released my hand, but walked close enough for our fingers to graze. He walked with me to my room and told me to get some sleep. Once I got in my room, I realized I was smiling the whole time because my cheeks are sore. Why did he hold my hand for so long? Probably to calm me down, but he's never done that before. I try not to read too deeply into it and head to bed. Tomorrow will be a good day.