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I've been extremely terrified of COVID-19, germs, and other things, and I ended up writing a song about it. I've had my skin dry, and my skin would peel off very thin layers because of too much use of soap and alcohol (not the one that makes you drunk). I've locked myself up in a bedroom because I did think that every single thing had a virus, had germs, or had something that could harm me. I would not eat and use the bathroom for several hours just to never repeat the same routine of cleaning up and taking a bath before returning to my room. I used to consume a bottle of alcohol within just two days.
I have OCD, according to the medical certificate, and it still makes me suffer. But I will get over this soon. I know I can do this. By God's grace. And this is my story.
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"invalid id" Lyrics
Used to have a party to attend to and more ahead
I didn't know it would come to this, I never want to touch more things
I feel them coming for me everywhere, but "it's all in my head"
I tried to fly after the fight, but it kept on burning my wings
I know I obeyed everything
I know I did most of it
I've watched just the right amount
I've read enough news to know about it
I just wish to be okay
There's less worry in this room
No, I don't know if this is still
ego or id, but
I can't do anything, this is the best of the worst
'cause nothing's just as valid before
Used to have a party to attend to
and more ahead (more ahead)
I just want to stay in here 'cause everything feels normal inside
Within these walls, it's the old normal, but I'm well aware it's all in my head
I just can't exit the doors, and a part of my dreams has just died
I know I obeyed everything
I know I did most of it
I've watched just the right amount
I've read enough news to know about it
I just want to be safe
There's less worry in this room
No, it's not superego or
invalid id, but
I can't do anything, this is the best of the worst
'cause nothing's been this valid before
I don't know if it's normal there, but when they laugh, I laugh as well
I don't know if I should ever believe my mind after today
I don't know if you would ever let me hug you after this
I don't know if you'll see it in a bad way
It always hits hard
when you trim your fingernails
and hold your guitar again
to write a song again
(It hurts less to do this)
I wish I said the truth when she asked me
'cause I question my thoughts more and more each day
And I am constantly finding statements to tell myself,
so I can live this life normally
Just so you know, I am trying so I can meet three meals
and five friends a day 'cause I still get tired of this
I still have my birthday to attend to and theirs ahead
(In a world where I could tell them)
I told my friends I couldn't come
I told my friends I won't be able to
Told my friends I'm not okay
I told my friends that it's gonna be alright
I told my friends how it got so bad, deep in the shadows of my fears
I never want to go back there
'cause I've never been this terrified before
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YOU ARE READING
the places i've been to inside
Poetryt h e p l a c e s i ' v e b e e n t o i n s i d e ╰ a compilation of poems ╰ ongoing i am still on my journey. i do not know where this heads to, but it's all inside.
