The Vampire Cure

Chapter 1

Brad the lab mouse, whom I affectionately called Big Balls, let out an annoying squeak at his latest injection. It was a serum designed to increase testosterone, the latest in hopes of finding a cure for erectile dysfunction. While observing the mouse, I browsed through the news headlines until I came across an interesting one. A novel virus scientists called DESVID-2 had mutated from vampire bats to humans in a small Latin American country. Though the reporter tried to downplay it, I was familiar with the virus as it pertained to animals. It resembled SARS but was far more contagious and potentially deadly. If left unchecked and under the right conditions, it could easily wipe out half that country.

"Well, Big Balls, it looks like tracking your testosterone levels will have to wait." His creepy pink eyes stared back at me, before he jumped in his wheel and started running. Like most other men in my life, he got over me fast.

I didn't wait to be told to research the virus—my boss John would undoubtedly assign one of the senior scientists to check it out and produce a threat report. I know that sounds important, but it was nothing more than a brief analysis of how likely the problem in question would be to pose a tangible threat to the American people. Working in a private lab had its perks, but seniority was a universal thing, and John had to deal with a lot of interesting personalities here. Myself included.

I pulled my long brown hair back into a ponytail. Wearing it down was fun for a change, but I needed to concentrate, and having it push forward into my view made it hard to speed read. I cracked my knuckles and started searching.

That was when the worst squeak I ever heard came from the cage. Big Balls stumbled out of the wheel and collapsed.

I checked his vitals. No pulse.

I sighed. As a scientist, I knew the day would come. He was a research subject, and it was inevitable that we would hit the upper threshold of testosterone his poor body could tolerate. That knowledge didn't make the whole thing sting any less. I'd have to start testing all over with a new subject.

But that could wait. I had a new virus to investigate.

***

An hour later, I was only a little more enlightened on the topic. The information on the internet was scarce, but I did find a few papers written on the animal version of the virus. It appeared to be spread by blood in animals, with vampire bats usually the culprit. A report confirmed that the transmission to humans was via a bite by a vampire bat.

I went down that rabbit hole, researching everything I could on vampire bats. To study it further, I would need some vampire bats and of course, the virus itself. I quickly typed up a feasibility report, to see if I could get approval to start a new project.

I dreaded talking to John about it, if I could even talk to him. His day was filled with meetings and random calls from the president. By president, I mean the leader of the government—our lab was founded by none other than Ronald Lamp, the commander-in-chief and president of the United States. A billionaire twice over, yet he still couldn't get tanning quite right—his skin resembled a shade of muted orange. He treated the presidency much like one of his businesses, and fully expected everyone who worked for him to do whatever he desired: no questions asked, no independent thought required. Suffice it to say, I didn't envy my boss' job.

As I knocked on the door to John's elaborate corner office, I pictured three possible outcomes: outright rejection, reassignment to someone else, or actual approval. If I could word it right, and he was distracted enough, I might have a shot at it... God knows anything had to be more interesting than turning poor unsuspecting mice into an amalgamation of everything that's wrong with men.