The Journals of Alice Miller

Part 1: Margerie Thompson

January 28, 1959

Oh, it's been such a wonderful day!

We nearly didn't have school today, but old Mr. Mason managed to get the grounds around the school all shoveled. Didn't stop me from slipping on the ice, though- how humiliating! That Robert "Bull" Connery (what a jerk, that boy is!) ran by me and laughed . The nerve of him!

But then that total dreamboat, Billy Dickinson, came by and helped me up. He's just so sweet- I feel so horrible for him, of course, he's been going steady with Margerie Thompson for a few years and she just dropped him last week! He was so charming, though, and so handsome, too! I don't know why she would want to break it off with him- who wouldn't want a wonderful boy like that? It doesn't help that she's the total queen of the school, she'll probably have another boy eating out of her hand in a few days, anyway. With that little doll face and hip fashions and oh, just, she's so infuriatingly perfect, I can't stand it!

Anyway. Back to Billy.

I can't believe he was paying attention to me! He's such a dream, I'd expect him to pay attention to someone like Margerie Thompson, or one of her friends (not that they could compare, I mean, have you seen her?), but he talked to me! And he asked me to see a film with him! Oh, it's all just so wonderful, I was practically floating all day! My friends are all so jealous- and they laughed too when I fell! And, of course, it was more than worth it to see the look on Margerie Thompson's face, she's been sulking the whole day, but it serves her right! She had to have dumped him, a sweet boy like Billy never could have let someone off like that, and he's been so down lately, too. So why should she be glaring?!

The film is going to be tomorrow, I can hardly wait! It's one of those fairy tales, by that Disney man. I adored Snow White, they drew her so beautifully (I tried recreating it when I was younger, but I could never quite get the sketch right- I think it was the eyes) so I'm quite excited for this one!

And, of course, Billy will be there. I wonder if he'll hold my hand? Or even try to kiss me? I've heard he and Margerie Thompson used to play a little backseat bingo in his truck, will he want to do that? I've never kissed anyone before, oh, what if he thinks I'm inexperienced? A boy like him has obviously kissed before- I just hope I'm not too bad. Well, if we do kiss, I know I'll be thinking of Margerie Thompson, she'll be so jealous! Oh, I can just picture her face right now, those perfect little lips pulled down in a frown, maybe I'll give her wrinkles!

And, of course, I'll be thinking of Billy while I kiss Billy.

Of course.

January 29, 1959

Oh, no! Oh, it's been such a strange day today, and so horrible, too!

Well, some parts were good. I think. I don't know. I don't know about anything anymore.

I spent the whole day feeling so excited for the date, I could barely concentrate on school at all! Once I got home, my friend Karen came with me to help me get ready. My mother disapproved, I could tell, but she's just not with the times- back in her day, people didn't date like we do, she probably expects me to marry the first man I go out to the movies with.

Old people are so strange!

But, anyway, Billy came by and picked me up in his truck, and we headed to the theater. It's small, and extremely understaffed, but the closest functioning one is nearly an hour away, so we make due in our little town.

The film was wonderful, just wonderful- I'm sad I got so distracted afterwards, I'll hardly think about the film itself after today. Billy held my hand the whole time, but he got up to leave a couple of minutes before it ended. I didn't think much of it at the time, of course- I thought he just had to go to the bathroom. But then I left the theater, and went out to the parking lot, and there he was.