If I were to become president, by some miracle, first I would change my title from president to queen.
I would legally change the name of our country to United States of Murica.
By the end of my term it would no longer be a democracy. It is now a monarchy, and I am your queen. The president's faces on the money would be replaced with Snoopy's, because why not.
Instead of jails, I will have dungeons installed.
By now, many people will have fled to Canada to make fun of their hats.
My other friend (TPS) has moved to Paris to live on the roof of the opera house.
Those that stayed are the awesomest people ever and are just too fabulous for the rest of the world.
Everyone has been given a very special title, these titles are called Fabrezian Titles.
By the way, our country motto has been changed to "Under the Fabreze, we are Awesome."
I will start training my sister to be the next queen.
I will say, "Now if you want to be queen, you must be fabulous, rule with an unsteady hand, act like you are high, and be a stripper."
She'll say, "But you aren't a stripper--"
I reply: "Shush shush, child--"
"I DON'T WANT TO BE A ST--" She'll start to scream.
I, being the incredible ruler I am, interrupt saying: "IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE QUEEN, I'LL JUST GO GET ELLENOR. SHE CAN BE THE LADY-IN-WAITING INSTEAD!!!" Then I go get my other younger sister, who went to college for stripping, and start training her to be the next ruler of Murica.
The moment she finds out, however, that she's next in line, she'll most likely push me down an active volcano and take up her rule as the Kinky Queen of Murica.
And that's what will happen if I become president.
