𝐵𝑒𝓆𝓊𝑒𝒶𝓉𝒽𝓂𝑒𝓃𝓉 | 𝒟.𝑀.

39 | ﴾ Asphyxiation Trap ﴿

I stayed under the covers inhaling carbon monoxide for hours unhealthily, only propping open the comforter enough to keep myself alive. I didn't feel like I had the will to continue after such a traumatizing and suggestive day. The pieces were clicking together for my demise and fall into darkness.

I had never seen such a terrifying creature as the dark lord in my entire life. He couldn't possibly be human, and if he ever had been than I didn't want to know what had resulted in his extreme deformation. Even in DADA classes, nothing could have prepared me for what I'd just experienced. My cheek seared horrifically from where his claw had sliced me.

Eventually after nearly seven hours under the covers I brought my head out to watch the gentle glimmer of the spinning Earth model on Draco's desk in the moonlight. He hadn't returned, and I was chalk full of overpowering worry that he was being somehow punished horribly. When I finally succumbed to sleep, I woke up to him shuffling into his bed beside me in a T-shirt and sweatpants. It was close to four in the morning.

He laid his head on the pillow opposite of mine and we just stared at each other in shock in the darkness. His expression was one of defeat, as though he already knew of the devastating effects that the day would leave on me.

I eventually couldn't contain myself and burst into heavy tears, pulling at his clothes for him to hold me. He constricted me in his arms tightly as I soaked his throat and shirt collar with my sobbing. He wrapped his leg around me and cocooned me with his body and fresh clothing. We stayed like that for a long time until I couldn't cry anymore. The heat of his body and scent of his clean clothes had moderately calmed me.

"I tried to keep our engagement a secret, but he watches Lucius' memories. He found out today apparently," Draco whispered while scratching my back. "I need you to be strong for me this Saturday. I have a plan, but you have to get through the wedding."

I didn't even bother instinctually protesting. I knew that there was only way forward now and it was to face the dark lord at my nightmare wedding. "What es your plan?" I asked in a pixy voice, pulling back to look at him.

He looked at me over the bridge of his pointy nose, "I can't tell you, it's too risky. You'll know when you need to." He leaned back from me and grabbed his wand from the bedside, then carefully hovered it over my cheek to heal the gash there. He ran his thumb over the repaired skin with a deep sigh, "You deserve so much better than being with me." I didn't bother replying because I knew it was true, but I didn't want it to be. I closed my eyes and fell asleep in his embrace.

۞۞۞۞۞

The week that I was forced to spend at the Manor prior to the wedding was dreadful and eerie. It took me two entire days to brave leaving Draco's room for fear of running into the dark lord lingering somewhere within the morbid residence. He hadn't even thought twice at leaving me alone there to dwell like an apparition, and I wondered where he was going all day and what he was doing. Whatever his plan was, it terrified me to my core not knowing. He was glum and faraway when he held me at night, and his eyes had no light in them when he spoke to me.

He had retracted into himself deeply after the incident with the Death Eaters, appearing stony and silent when he returned to his bedroom after extended hours away. I spent most of my time in the wide windowsill staring out at the ashen, wintry landscape around the Manor. It was lifeless. No footprints in the white snow, no inhabitants out for chilly strolls in the bright February sunlight. The browned plants were hung and snapped under the merciless weight of the ice.

My heart longed for my family and to know why they had abandoned me. It felt for all the world that the Malfoy's had devoured me whole like an amoeba absorbing algae. My identity belonged to them, my name would belong to them, even perhaps as Lucius had suggested my reproductive choice. They inflicted clothing choices and behavioral mannerisms onto me. My dreams of ever having a normal and happy wedding had slipped away into oblivion, and the only comforting factor was that I was marrying someone that I loved.