She was The Greek & Italian's, love ( Complete)

ch10

While Demetri and Felix use the vacation to their wild free selves with no care in the world yet still not being dub to casue a scene should humans be nearby after wondering so far to our land from a well know to land that's a river away.

I used that vacation time to fully relax and try to think of how what's been going on between my mates and me so I could try and fix it. I mean I know something is wrong yet I feel as though it's this whole having a family ordeal that put a halt in our whole marriage/mate bond.

 I've often seen Marcus look sadly at me as if he sees the bond between my mates and me not what it was before.

After I've thought it over plenty of times I've come to realize that it's not only me that needs to try and fix this but also Demetri and Felix as well. 

Yet I can't seem to get them to stay around me long enough to speak of the matter since they are much too busy enjoying themselves. Something I wish to be able to do yet this feeling of losing them over this whole family ordeal is dragging me down and very very slowly killing me.

I do miss my mates and being how we once were before I brought up the matter of family. and since then I've often beat the crap out of myself in the blame for the outcome that is happening.

I feel like the light of life that was once shining brightly is slowly losing its brightness till it will soon be nothing more.

I feel as if I'd be selfish to ever mention my dream and longing for a family. that it be pressuring them into something they don't want to do really only said they've thought of it just to make me happy.

they often forget I can detect lies and them saying they want it was a lie. but I didn't speak on it just went with it and left.

now, here I am suffering as watching so many people that I help have what I dreamed of practically all my life take place before me.

I never utter a word just put on a fake smile and pretend that the world is perfect for me and I have no issues at all that me and my mates are the perfect bunch that ever walked this earth.