Heart Broke/ NCT 22nd Member

I want it to stop

TW:  ( depression, selfharm, and  painc attacks,)

Lexa wasn't the same after Ms. Lim came back, she kept away from her members and loved ones. She'd wake up, go to practice, study, go back home and sleep. A surge of memories flooded back to her, some were blurry yet she felt like a horrible person. She'd had nightmare after nightmares, she was conflicted. Did she really hurt Yu-Mi for something so stupid or someone else did? She questioned if it was Stella who did hurt her best friend, the guilt and pain was eating her alive.
" Min-young...can you please come out?" Tiffany asked
Nothing, she didn't say anything and sat at the edge of her massive bed playing around with a sharp object she had in her hands.
" Min-young! Can you please open the door? Or at least eat something?" Tiffany asked
" Leave me alone." She mumbled loud enough for Tiffany to hear, she grabbed the object crushing it in her hands letting tears escape from her eyes feeling excruciating pain in her hands. The blood dripped from her hands as she walked towards the bathroom, she left a small trail of blood behind her as she squeeze her fist letting more blood fall on the sink.
" I didn't hurt Yu-Mi..." She mumbled rinsing her hand with water she grabbed white bandages wrapping it around her hand.
" Why, why. Why. Me?" She asked walking to her bed sitting back down again. She heard her phone ringing loudly for minutes as she stared into the darkness. She heard the countless voicemails her friends and family left worried about her. She answered one of the calls letting them speak, at first she didn't pay attention to who was talking until she heard the familiar voice.

" Hey babe, it's me. Your boyfriend...can you please answer the phone or at least text me or anyone else? I'm really worried that you might hurt yourself or do something you reget. I don't know what your going through but if you talk to me maybe I'll be able to understand. I just want to comfort you even if you push me away...I guess I'll see you later."

" Jinyoung-ah....." She mumbled

" Min-young?! H-Hey how are you feeling today?"

" I'm sorry Jinyoung-ah, I hope you understand."

" N-no! Are you home? I'm going to be over there in a few. Don't do anything that'll hurt you."

" N-No... Jinyoung-ah don't-"

" I love you!"

He hung up the phone leaving her shocked, she wanted to smile but that soon went away as she heard a familiar ring. Looking at her phone she felt anger and sadness fill her.
" Choi Yubin...Lee Jeno...." She mumbled  throwing her phone across the room letting out an angry scream, she didn't know how to feel anymore. A small nocked was heard on her door, she opened the door seeing Jinyoung smile sweetly.
" You... Min-young." He mumbled as he entered the room, she closed the door behind him watching him look around her room. He noticed the glass on the floor making his heart shatter, he started to pickup the shattered glass throwing it away.
" W-What where you doing?" He asked
" That's none of your business." She mumbled 
" Why are you so- come here." He said patting a spot next to him on the bed, sitting down she looked at him emotionless and angry.
" Are you mad at me?" He asked, hearing that she smiled sarcastically as she walked towards a window sitting on the ledge.
" You know what's crazy?" She asked
" What? What is crazy?" He asked
" I always thought my life would get better...I mean I had a tough childhood. I mean who didn't? But I was so stupid enough to believe that after debut no more pain. No more feeling guilty! Yet that didn't happen." She said smiling

" You can't control emotions..." He said
" Why can't we? I mean wouldn't it just be better if everyone could control emotions?! Like just imagine me never falling in love with Jeno! God I would be doing myself a favor-"
" Is that what you want? To have never felt love?"
Staring outside she watched her dogs and Tiffany happily playing in the backyard. She looked down at her hand seeing the ring, she smiled to herself turning her head to face him.
" I used to believe that I never deserved love. After meeting you I feel so fulfilled that I can't ask for anything else." She said
" Is that how you really feel?" He asked
" I lived in a world where asking for too much was being selfish or asking for too little is not enough. Where I would get slapped for missing a note. When I was told that I had to do whatever it took to everything I wanted was my world. I lived in a world where I hurt my friend for debut.... because I was told that they were going to take my place in everything. And I needed to become number one in everything. And when my life was finally getting better Ms. Lim comes back to my life only to whisper in my ear. Over and over again. And I feel like I can never escape, it's like a never ending nightmare. I just want to stop." She said slowly running her hands through her hair gripping strands of her hair.

" Jinyoung...make it stop. Please Jinyoung, I'm begging you to make it stop! I want it all to be stopped." She said her breath slowly hitching within every second, knowing what was about to happen Jinyoung ran over to her gently picking her up and placing her on her bed wrapping his arms around her waist grabbing both her hands he gently tapped on them as she started to cry and hyperventilate.
" I can't do it anymore! Please make it stop! Make it stop!" She screamed
" It's okay.... it's okay." He whispered
" I-I want everything to stop!" She sobbed
" Breath... Min-young breath in and out."
" Why is it always me? Jinyoung why?" She whispered placing his hand against her tear stained cheeks he leaned their foreheads against each other whispering comforting words.
" One day it will all stop. Min-young one day it will stop. You just need to be strong."