right strings

-170-

-psyche pov-

i rub my hands together when i felt the wind blows towards my direction. ilang beses pa ako tumingin sa relo ko habang hinihintay si jake.

"you should bring warm clothes" naramdaman ko ang paglalagay nya ng jacket nya sa balikat ko kaya agad akong napalingon sa likod ko at nakita ko si jake.

"i bring banana milk, hindi ko naalala na malamig nga pala, but here" ipinatong nya sa gilid ko 'yung banana milk bago tumabi sa akin.

"did something happened?" i smiled at him and shook my head after.

"tapos naman na 'yung deal natin kahapon right? it's been one week since we decided to do that deal, right?" i looked at his eyes, i saw how he looked at me with confusion.

"it's been one week? but why? hindi naman kita nakasama nang dalwang araw. counted ba yun?"  tumango ako agad.

"we don't have any rules like that though" umiwas sya ng tingin sa akin at kinagat ang labi nya.

"paano kung iextend kaya natin? i mean, bawiin naman natin 'yung two days na nawala ka" umiling ako.

"about kasi doon sa deal... alam ko naman na hindi mo naman ako mabibigyan nang chance right?" i gave him my painful smile. he looked at me, and i don't know what he suddenly thinking right now.

"how are you so sure?" he said with his serious tone.

"paano kung sabihin ko sa'yo, gusto ko itry.. gusto ko subukan.. gusto ko itake yung risk?" why are you suddenly making it hard for me, jake... please no...

"pero jake- hindi pwede" depensa ko sa kanya, pilit kong pinipigilan ang pagpatak ng luha ko

"bakit hindi pwede? pwede naman kung gusto natin eh" umiling ako

"i realized, hindi naman pala talaga kita gusto..." i almost whispered, i saw how his eyes turned gloomy with my words. i bit my lower lip.

"i think, naexcite lang ako sa idea nang love.. first time ko magkaroon ng kaibigan na guy na katulad mo, maybe i was to blind to distinguish what's really i feel about you..." umiwas sya ng tingin sa akin at nilaro ang daliri nya habang nakatungo.

"i thought it was love, i thought i really like you.. but it turned out like.. it was just an infatuation" i sighed and simply wiped the tears on my cheeks immediately.

"how can i believe in you?" i felt the coldness on his tone.

"i don't care if you believe on me or not, pero nakapag decide na ako jake... hindi pwede, itigil na natin kasi tapos na din naman diba?" nakita ko na ilang beses syang umiling sa sinabi ko.

"i know that you are against with your words" he looked straight into my eyes.

"what do you mean? nagsasabi nga ako ng totoo jake" i gulped with my own lies. i saw how he shook his head a lot of times again.

"paano naman ako? iiwan mo ako sa ere?" i frowned with his words. what does he mean?

"why? you saw me only as a friend jake. you like irene the most. and i am not irene. stop acting like this because you are making it hard for me!" i shouted and i can't stop my tears from falling this time.

"why am i making it hard for you? then let me help you to escape from that thing that making you suffer, psyche..." umiling ako.

"you are just giving me false hope, though you know how confuse you are about your feelings for me. stop it jake, i don't like you... it was just an infatuation, i jumped in conclusions...." i was crying hard when he reached my hand and squeezed it a bit.

"i don't believe you... psyche, stop lying... you are making it hard for me too" i slowly get off his grip on mine.

"you don't believe me jake? you want me to prove it to you right?" i stood up and grabbed the banana milk he bought.

"this! i fucking hate you when you buy this fucking banana milk always! why you didn't know that i hate this drink? i hate this!" galit kong hinagis ang banana milk na hawak ko.

"i hate you when you are helping me to study because you always let me feel that i don't looked like irene, who study hard and can pick up easily with your words" i sniffed and let my tears flow.

"i hate you so much, because i know you can't look at me the way i looked at you before" he remained silent, looking at me and i saw how he looked in pain while looking at me.

"so, please jake? stop confusing me..."