right strings

-193-

-psyche pov-

-a month ago-

"i'm sorry psyche..." that words keep ringing in my ear while i am running towards our car where manong leo is waiting.

i have been experienced a lot of rejections before, but when jake rejected me this time... i don't know why it hurts like this.

i was sobbing hard when i entered the car, manong leo was looking at me.. hindi alam ang gagawin.

"miss.. ano pong nangyari?" i swallowed hard and looked at him.

"manong.. pangit ba ako? kapalit-palit ba ako?" i asked him, still sobbing.

"a-ano po miss? hi- hindi naman po" he tried to reach my shoulder to calm me down

"bakit ganoon, manong? hindi nya ako gusto?" i want to rant, pero hindi ko magawa dahil naubusan ako ng lakas

"baka naman bulag 'yang nagustuhan nyo miss, huwag ka na umiyak." i gave him a smiled for him not to worry anymore.

habang nasa byahe ay ikinalma ko ang sarili ko. when we got home, i thought i will enter the house quietly but i heard my parents voice.

"STOP MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS!"  i immediately run towards the stairs and i saw my mom lying on the floor, nakahawak ang isa nyang kamay sa pisngi nya kaya agad akong napaupo at inalalayan sya tumayo.

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?!?" i shouted infront of my dad.

hindi ko na maintindihan ang emosyon na gusto kong ilabas. I am sad, angry, i feel so lost, i am hurt, i don't know anymore. I just feel.. I am so miserable, so unloved.

"you are raising your voice towards me now" dad reached my arms, buong lakas kong sinubukan na alisin ang kamay nya sa braso ko.

"yes! i am, dad... please stop. i am tired... please..." i broke down and i felt my mom hugged me immediately. i cried on her shoulder that night.

days passed, i tried to ignore jake. maybe, letting him go will be the nice choice.

nanghihinayang ako sa pagkakaibigan namin, pero hindi ko naman kaya na umakto na hindi ako nasasaktan sa harap nya.

universe, why are you so unfair?

"i want to give it a try" i can't process the words that jake told me that time.

though i pity myself that time, i know.. at some point it was impossible for him to love me back, but atleast right? maybe if i hurt one more time, i will going to finally feel numb.

"psyche..." jake held my hand softly and play his thumb on the back of my palm. i tried my best to make my heart beat turned into normal.

"i want to give you something..." he let go of my hand and reached the small compartment of his car. i saw a velvet box so i looked at him with confusion.

"it.. was just a small gift, here" he gave me the box and i immediately opened it.

it was a red bow tie. it was so beautiful.