ice cold blood

flight

my alarm rang at 6:00 am this morning, today was the day i left my memories back in london and was moving forward with my life to santa monica , i could barely believe it, i've been preparing for this day since my mother passed away and now it's finally here. i did not want to get off my bed this morning, i was certain i would miss it when i'm gone. i've been sleeping in it for my whole life. there were so many little things to let go of. once i was done brushing my teeth and got dressed, i went down stairs. my dad was looking out the window and i heard him whispering something so quietly that i couldn't make out what he was saying, so i stayed by the stairs and listened very carefully.
"hey lauren, i know it's been a while since i've had little conversations with you, but i just wanted to let you know that me and kristen are doing great. we're moving to santa monica today.."

i heard him sniffle and when i looked, there were little drops of tears rolling down his cheek.

"i miss you a lot, i wish you were still here, i wish that you were here with us. kristen misses you a lot you know? we both do. it'll be a while before i have another talk with you like this, i'm sure we'll be very busy when we get to santa monica. but keep us in your hearts and we'll do the same. i love you lauren."

i sat there on the stairs surprised that my dad ever had conversations like this with my mom. maybe after all this time he wasn't keeping everything to himself, maybe he was talking to my mom about everything this whole time. i felt like a weight has been lifted off me, i felt so much more relieved. my dad came towards the stairs and saw me sitting there.
"hey honey, ready?"
"not really but let's do it"
we started gathering our bags by the door, i was the one that took my mother's stuff. last night i made sure that the gowns were carefully covered with plastic and packed to the bottom of the suitcase.

as we were heading into the taxi that would take us to the airport my dad dropped something, it was shiny, sparkling, it looked like it was made of diamond. i bent down to pick it up, it felt heavy and cold in my hands, i soon realized that it had my mother's name engraved in it. it was her wedding ring. my dad would not like to lose this, but i wanted to hold onto it for a little longer, just for the memory of her. i hopped into the little yellow taxi and heard the song "heart by heart" by demi lovato. i thought this strange because 1: this song was and oldie, and 2: when the movie was playing in theaters, it never played on the radio. why now? but i didn't care, i loved this song. so i leaned back into my black leather seat and relaxed my mind. it would take about 30 minutes to get to the airport, i might as well take a nap.

i woke up to the sound of my dad telling me to wake up. when i awoke, all i heard were the honks of cars, loud voices and the wheels of suitcases rolling. it was absolute chaos. the last time i'd been in an airport was when i was five. me and my family were going to disney world with a few friends. it was one of my favorite trips, i thought the giant castle would be my home when i got older.

"ow!" i shouted when a little girl's suitcase rolled over my feet. i expected her to say sorry, but all she said was
"watch where you put your foot next time"

she was so rude.
my dad was now checking us in, i was sitting down in the little black chairs listening to music. a little while later dad told me to go over to where he was to get my ticket and to check in my luggage. this part was so boring, it seemed like i was in the airport forever, until finally it was time to board the plane. i've waited forever.

when i got on, we found our seats, i called the window seat. i wanted to see how our little city looked from up here, i wanted to see how the world felt up here. very soon i could feel the head of the plane lifting off the ground, it made a very loud sound that i didn't quite like. the pilots voice came on to the speakers, he explained everything to us and a bunch of useless stuff that i didn't need to hear. the trip would take about 6 hours, ugh, good thing i brought a movie with me. of course i'd be watching mean girls, it was one of my absolute favorites.