Une lueur d'espoir

A week in hell

This chapter contains vulgarity and self-harm!
Me: Here, I finished your exercise now leave me alone and go hang out elsewhere ... Finally alone ... I'm just going to draw and put my music ... I started some rough lines and let myself be carried away by the spirit of drawing. Well, more shit but I don't know why I love it ... Is it dark already? Night is falling quickly right now, what time is it? FUCKING THREE HOUR IN THE MORNING !!! His mother- ... I should go to sleep instead of hanging out. I then unplugged bobby (I call a lot of my objects bobby and this is my lamp Ù-Ú) after throwing my drawing things on the floor (respect, respect-well I really stop). I stretched for a moment before lying down under my soft layer of textiles. I turned, turned around but nothing helped, I couldn't fall asleep. Piss off, insomnia shit ... I stared at my bedside table despite the depth of the night and took my courage in both hands ... A moment barely had passed and I found myself stripping my left arm and my chisel in the hand . With a trembling grip, I rested the chisel in the crook of my arm, hard enough to leave a mark but not enough to make myself bleed, I drew one line, then two, and without realizing it, I entered. suddenly in a kind of trance, in which the pain did not matter to me and I traced the deepest and broadest lines in my arm. My cat finally got me out of this phase during which, without even realizing it, tears had beaded down my eyes and had run down the length of my face. I put down my "weapon " and plunged back in my pillow, crying. I felt so feverish, so miserable ... And before I could do anything I plunged into Morpheus's arms. A moment later, I woke up with a start, my back and face drenched in a liquid produced by my body itself. A sudden nausea seized me and I hurtled down the stairs. Piss off ... I went back to my room after grabbing a bag and a bottle of water and settling back into my bed. The pain in my abdomen was twisting all over me and I got up three times on that horrific night, running into the bathroom to empty my stomach. I had just spent one of the most difficult and unpleasant nights when an alarm sounded in the room where I was resting.
Fuck shit wake up I stood up and felt myself wobbly.
My head was pounding and my stomach ached even more, I felt chills run down my back. I shivered with cold as I died of heat and bathed in the sweat soaked in my clothes.
My mother saw me relax and immediately sent me back to bed. A day to miss but damn, I would have preferred to go to class with the other head teacher. The next day, I had no more fever and I was standing up so my mother sent me to class.
Me: Well damn, I had never noticed that the art teacher was so boring

Noah: you're sure it's going to be okay all day, it's only the first hour of class and you're already complaining ... it's not in your habits ...

Me: don't worry, I'll hold on ... Noah: yeah, I'm watching you ...
The art class was coming to an end and, luckily, the college gave us the right to a ten-minute break. I was holding on to my boyfriend and complaining the whole break. Him, he comforted me by hugging me and stroking my head. Quickly arrived the lunch break during which I purposely missed my service. When Noah was done eating he cheered me up and flicked my head but I didn't mind that much, it's his way of telling me he cares about me.

Me: * half asleep * but tell me it's that you're comfortable my cute little one

Noah: hey are you crazy, what's up with ya my little shit

Me: damn I just want to sleep ...

Keigo (my boyfriend if you remember correctly) having joined us, I took advantage of my pillows and fell asleep for a while.

Keigo: Lyna, we need to talk.

God damn it, he called me Lyna ...

Noah: I'll let you eh ...

Me: o-okay ... see you noah ...

Keigo: I ... I think we should stop everything It's there, my worst nightmare happened ... well I'll keep smiling for now ...

Me: A-ah yes? Why of which?

Keigo: it's a lot of small things in reality but I prefer that we stop everything so as not to hurt you ... So as not to hurt my ass ... you just don't have the balls to say that you don't like me ...

Me: a-and like what like little things?

Keigo: first, I feel like you're cheating on me with noah ...

Me: BUT ARE YOU NOT GOING WELL ?!

Keigo: DON'T GUIDE ME ON IT! YOU ARE ALL THE TEMP FOURING TOGETHER!

Me: damn ... he's my best friend ...

Keigo: then there's also your delirium with the lgbt + its pissing me off ...

Me: a thing ... a thing !? YOU FEEL THAT ONE DAY I WAKEN UP SAYING OOH MY MOTHER AND HOMOPHOBIC, I DON'T TRUST MYSELF BUT I WILL DECIDE TO GET OUT OF THE "STANDARD" !?

Keigo: YOU FUCK MY BALLS ANYWAY, I'M CHICKING YOU

Me: are you cheating on me ...?

At that moment, I collapsed. I felt like I was leaving so I traced my best sprint to the end of the most secluded yard and cried all the tears in my body ... With this beginning, I won't last all week ....