Lost And Found

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(TW) : if you suffer from suicidal thoughts or feelings please do not proceed.

She sat in her poorly lit bedroom, recalling her pathetic day.

Books, paper, pens, and notebooks covered the surface of her desk, clothes pilled up on the floor.

A quiet sigh escaped her lips as she laid down to sleep, exhaustion taking over her.

The small digital clock on the bedside table read "3 am", her insomnia kicking in a long time ago leaving her to battle herself.

She sat up holding her head instinctively to stop those thoughts but they didn't stop...they never do.

She already lost.

Sighing, she got up and walked to the bathroom, her head pounding with each step.

She couldn't recognize the girl in the mirror looking back at her, red eyes, pale yellow face, and dry lips, her hair looked like it hasn't been brushed in weeks.

"I really don't want to pretend tomorrow" she said quietly, her eyes getting glossy.

"I need her..." she wrapped her arms around herself, slowly slipping on the floor "I'm so tired of pretending... I can't remember the last time I felt happy... truly happy" tears building up in her golden brown eyes...falling down her pale cheeks, she let herself cry this once... have her moment of weakness.

"Maybe the world would be better off without me" she cried out "maybe I would be happier too.....maybe that's the only way I can feel happy again"

She got up to change out of her sleeping attire, picked up her phone then ran outside the house. She knew exactly where she wanted to go.

The wind blew her rich brown hair, the salty water crashed on the golden sandy shore beautifully and the smell of the beach filled her nose.

She looked over at one of the benches smiling.

"Happy birthday to scarlet, happy birthday to you" the girls sung, holding a cute slice of cake with a pink candle on top "I tried to bake you a cake but it didn't work out" the girls smiled then burst out laughing "its okay...I appreciate you guys doing all of this really, thank you"

"Thank you, guys...I love you" her dry eyes couldn't cry anymore, she lingered in the area enjoying the breeze.

"Let's go to the swings and then we could go eat how about that?"all four friends went to the swing and played all day, forgetting to eat.

She passed the same set of swings they played on years back, her lips curving into a smile "I will always remember you"

"Give up the fight scarlet, you've already lost" she knew that, she really wanted to give up...more than anything she wanted to give up. that small voice in her head kept telling her to not listen "don't give up darling, it will get better soon"

The rocky cliff was a few feet away, she lumbered towards it, the voices in her head screaming at her. she couldn't think, she couldn't focus on anything else other than the voices.

"do it"

"do it"

"do it"

"Please stop" she whispered, holding her head "I'm going to do it okay, I know I'm worthless and no one will notice my absence... I know" her arms started to fall limply to her sides, her eyes watered.

"I'm sorry ma...for everything"

Inhale...

Exhale...

Looking down she saw the angry ocean, hitting the cliff so intensely, the clouds wept and the sky screamed in rage.

Her pain and suffering would vanish...you can't be sad and dead, but she felt a little spark of hope that maybe everything will be okay.

As she stood on the edge of that cliff, she knew she had to make a decision.

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