"WITH YOU".

chapter-33

I had decided to talk to Maa so that she could give me some answers but she made me even more confused. I was sure that my decision meant very much to everyone. Maa definitely acted strong over the phone so that my confidence doesn't get affected but I knew, inside her head, she wasn't at peace. Ishaan did behave sensibly but his mind would have been playing somersault inside. Anusha gave me some positive words but she would have been dying to know my decision. But, I was still not sure about anything. Things still looked troubled to me, but one thing I was sure about that whatever would be my decision, it was about to change me into an entirely different person. The sudden sound of the clock broke my thoughts, and it brought me back to the reality that I had to decide something very soon. I had to inform Ruhi, soon, if I decided to drop the Europe plan because if I delayed, the situation would have got more problematic. I got up and walked hence and forth in uncertainty.

Making my mind strong, I finally press the bell button with my trembling hands, I touched my hair and swallowed something inside my mouth. My hands were not in my control, I locked my hands against each other, trying to set it in peace. Nobody opened the door, in those few minutes which seemed like hours to me in uncertainty, something hit my mind at that moment and I had just turned to leave when somebody opened the door. But I didn't turn back to see, I felt so uneasy and my whole body was feeling the anxiety, standing there. Somewhere, I had also started cursing my decision to be there, I didn't turn until the person uttered, 'Yes!'. And something heavy dropped on my heart, and I felt my stuck breath rising. Nervously, I turned towards him. The man in his forties, grey hairs, old-age complexion, in white kurta and trousers stood before me, waiting for me to react. 'Ira!', he pronounced fixing his eyes on me. I raised my head slowly and my eyes noticed the same eyes, wrinkles( but few more), forehead stressed in the center. 'Namaste uncle!', I uttered with shivering throat and bowed down to touch his feet, I felt his warm hand over my hairs, 'Come! Come inside', he said. I walked in glaring at the big cottage which was decorated in the same neat and subtle manner, everything placed properly in the place as it was in their other houses. I took slow and steady steps towards inside, and soon my eyes noticed Mani uncle, who was walking here and there in a hurry, 'Oh! Ira didi', he uttered in his Tamil tongue, 'Have, have sit', he said and ran again as someone called his name from inside. 'Be comfortable, Ira!', said Subramaniyam uncle in a low voice, he looked pale, sad, disheartened, and pains reflected in a very somber way from his face. He took his seat on the next sofa beside mine and mumbled some prayer. 'Mani!', he raised his voice, 'Bring something cold for Ira'. I sat there in a taciturn manner, constantly looking here and there as if looking for something, and I was fighting with so many emotions and thoughts at the same time which was crossing like a rush train inside. 'Riaan is in his room', said Subramaniam uncle and I turned at him abruptly. He must have thought that my eyes were looking for Riaan, the way it was wandering uncertainly without any pause. 'No! Actually', I tried explaining but Mani uncle interrupted with so many things at once. I don't even remember how many dishes and drinks he served because I wasn't in that state of my mind, I was feeling very different. My stomach churned, and my breath was not normal, my feet were constantly tossing at the floor, in my head, I wanted to stay and see him, and somewhere it was also saying me to leave. Soon, some distinct sound got my attention, and I glared in the same direction, Subramaniyam uncle got up in urgency and looked in the same direction but with extra caution, he suddenly started yelling loudly, 'Mani! Mani', without taking a breath, and soon his whole face was drenched in sweat, he looked nervous and scared. It was just a mere sound of something breaking, more like glass or something but It didn't seem the same for them, as Mani uncle ran upstairs in rush. 'What! What happened?', I asked hesitatingly, but he just gave me a worried kind of look without speaking anything. 'Mani!', he breathed out his stuck breath and ran towards the stairs as Mani uncle ran down from the upstairs. 'Everything is okay, Rama sir. Relax!', said Mani uncle putting his hand on the shoulders of Subramaiyam uncle, which had gone down as he bowed and started crying. Everything seemed so dreadful to me that I wasn't able to configure what to do next, that whether I should leave them on their own or stay with them and try to understand the situation and try to help them. Mani uncle's eyes met mine disturbed face, and he walked near me supporting Subramaniyam uncle with his hand. On the other hand, Subramaniyam uncle's eyes were unstoppable, the tears were coming out but silently. Mani uncle helped Subramaniyam uncle to sit on the sofa, and I offered him the water as he took his seat. 'We are so sorry, Ira!', said Subramaniyam uncle after getting relaxed as his tears stopped, he took a breath and turned his focus to me. 'You saw all this'. 'It's okay! It's alright, uncle', I said. Rama uncle looked in the upward direction from where the sound had come, and then he thought something, after that he turned his attention again at me. 'Ira!', he uttered, 'I have the idea that Mani has already told you something', his voice came unclearly mixed with breaths, and it was slow. He was literally tired of all those things. I glared at Mani uncle raising my eyes. 'Ira! Whatever he told you was correct. I'm sure you are not unknown of Riaan's condition and I know, Mani has put to you the thought of mine, that I had very early shared with him. Because, at that time, I was very sure and very much hopeful that everything would get normal and that's why I thought to seek help from you', he stopped for a minute and looking directly into my eyes, he uttered as if he seriously meant it, 'But Ira! I really do not think so, now. I don't think, he can be any better than this, and I'm trying to accept the situation as it is now', he joined his hands in front of me, and with a very look of surrendering, he said, 'Ira! You have already done so many things for us, for which I can never be thankful enough', he coughed and cleared his throat, 'We are bearing this since last nine or ten months, there's nothing good since then, you know!', he uttered sombrely, in a defeated way, 'Astha's illness! Affected Riaan very badly, and now her death has made his life even more hell', he continued slowly taking in small breaths, 'We tried every way possible, but!', he nodded in disdain, 'Ira!', he uttered trying to be serious, 'Forgive me! If whatever Mani told you about my hopes from you has troubled you or tensed you. How selfish of me!', he said, 'I shouldn't have said this. In the affection of my son, I had forgotten that you are also somebody's daughter, before putting any conditions of the mine, I should have thought that I'm no one to expect that much from you. You and Riaan, were together that doesn't mean you owe your life to him', he stopped for a second and began again, 'In the first place, he left you with no options rather than moving ahead. Not intentionally, but he cheated you. That situation demanded so, but it wasn't justice to you', he stopped and get up. He walked to the big photo frame of his wife, glared at it with utmost sorrow. I could see his reflection through the smiling, calm and beautiful photo of his wife, he stood there like that and said, 'Ira! He is not here to say!', he turned to me and I got up on my feet, 'But on his behalf, I'm asking for your mercy, I hope you will provide us with that because we all are equally responsible for whatever happened to you. Especially, Me!', he stopped and walked to me, his eyes were that of dried tears and filled with gloominess. Poor man, he was left with no hopes and spirit. 'Riaan! has a very small amount of mistake here, the more guilty is me', he said bowing his head, 'Ira! If you think of me with even a little bit of respect then leave this place and move away. Never look back, whatever happened! Think of it as a dreadful dream and forget! That's all I can say', he completed with joining his hands to me. I stood there, still, looking down at the floor. I wiped the small drop of tear that was about to come out, I didn't want to cry at that moment. Whatever was going in my mind but not crying. I gripped the straps of my bag tightly and took a deep breath. I stood there silently, trying to configure the amount of pain and suffering, this family had suffered, Riaan had suffered. 'One more thing!', said Subramaniyam uncle after great silence, he raised his brows in seriousness and said, 'I believe, Nobody should be unaware of the truth that has taken place under their nose', he joined his hands at the back and took few steps towards me, he looked me into the eyes and the way he looked, I got the feeling that whatever he was about to say was not a lie. He asked, 'Ira! Can we go on a small walk?'