"WITH YOU".

chapter-11

I had not a single idea that things between us had changed after his birthday night, we were not more just friends, a new phase was added, and it was about to start. I can't explain how my first day after that proposal night was, I was being so shy to sit beside him. I blushed whenever he looked at me, that day I hardly spoke anything because it was very tough to say a word to him. Before we saw each other as a friend, we talked, we laughed but that day, I met him as his girlfriend for the first time. It was very special but at the same time very awkward, those butterflies in my stomach, his fragrance that was sending a different kind of wave to my body. ‘What if he takes a move or something like tried to hug me or kiss me’ I thought in my head sitting at his next seat, ‘How would I react? What should I do then?’ it continued, ‘Before the situation was different, but now what if he starts growing some sudden expectations from me in his heart or mind?’. But the moment, Riaan stopped the car at my office parking, he just smiled and uttered bye. I felt so relaxed after getting out of his car, as If I was locked in a closed box struggling to breathe, I took a deep breath after getting out. From the next day, I stopped going with him, ‘Let it be a little normal and let me get habituated to this then I will see him. But before that, I would meet him through text or phone calls’, I decided. But my plan didn't last for long, Riaan smelled it, that something is wrong with me. He guessed it through my odd behavior. Whenever he would ask me about why I stopped going with him? I would just change the topic. But one day, he appeared early morning at my door and denied to leave until I agreed to go with him. ‘Tell me! Why won't you?’, he asked? ‘Because I have some work at the market, it will take lots of time and I don't want you to get late’, I lied and looked away shyly. But he sensed me, ‘Okay!’, he uttered and folded his hands against his chest, ‘Then I will wait, I don't have much work to do.’ Before I could utter my next excuse, his hand had a strong grip around my hand, he pulled me and forcingly sat me in the car. He closed the car gate, as he sat on the driving seat. He took my hands in his hands as he spoke, ‘Ira! I want to tell you, that I'm not the way, you are thinking of me. I understand and respect your sentiments, your emotions and I'm well aware of your worries, I got this the day you first met me after that night’, he took a sigh raising his brow, and continued, ‘Ira! I will never force you for anything, and you don't have to feel awkward, we just confessed how we feel about each other. Don't complicate this simplicity with your overthinking, we are first a good friend after that anything comes. You can still tell me anything, can talk about any matter openly like we used to, you can take breathe in front of me, Kiddo! And why don't you think it like, that our friendship has only grown much with extreme bonding after the happening of this and it will grow more, I promise’, he smiled and blinked his eyes with concern giving me a sense of assurance that I'm with a good man. I slowly rose my head, after listening to him, I felt as if something very big had slipped out of my heart. I smiled back and hugged him grabbing his neck, ‘Just give me some time, Riaan!’, I uttered near his ear as I hugged him, ‘I just need a little bit, only to get used to it’. ‘Take your time! I'm not running anywhere’, he replied caressing his hand on my hair at the back.

‘Why did you choose to love me, Riaan?’, I asked as I hugged the pillow against my chest with both hands tightly sitting on his bed. He was sitting in front of me, bending up his knees and crossing his hand around the knees. We were in his spare flat, spending our time on a Sunday, usually, we lived a busy schedule, we would only see each other while driving to the office, where we normally talked. ‘We don't choose, it just happens! It feels good to us and that's it, you are under the control of it’, he replied raising his brows. ‘Coffee?’, he asked. ‘Yeah!’, I said. I followed him into his kitchen. The kitchen was not that spacious though, just a platform on the center, racks on the wall, and a slab attached to that racks in front of the kitchen platform. I leaned on the platform placing my elbow on it as I watched him as he made coffee. ‘Have any other lady watched you while making coffee?’, I asked because he looked so adorable that way. He laughed shyly in response, ‘Jealous?’, he raised his brows wickedly laughing. ‘Why I would be jealous?’ ‘Well, Only you can tell that!’, he said as he mixed the sugar into the coffee and stirred it with a spoon. I pushed myself up putting my palm on the edge of the platform and sat on it. ‘I'm not jealous or something!’ ‘Then why did you ask?’, he said as he came near me, he placed his left hand on my thigh and from his right hand he pulled my cheeks, ‘Kiddo! You should learn to hide your emotions first, then try to trick me. Your intention is all transparently visible on your face’.  He held both the mugs in his hand, all set to go. I was about to jump when he stood in front of me, ‘Wait! He turned his back towards me, ‘Why would you walk when I'm here? I carefully put my hands across his neck as he bent down a little, then slowly my legs around his stomach, I felt his soft but strengthness of his stomach at my thighs. He straightened his body as I crossed my legs properly at his stomach. He was holding me on his back and coffee mugs in his hands, he walked slowly towards the room and reaching near the bed, he placed me properly on the bed. ‘Ira! You fear people, right?’, he asked and I nodded in yes, he continued, ‘Then why did you come with me?’ ‘I don't know, Riaan!’, I answered and bowed my head, ‘I too think of this sometimes that how I become used to you as if it was natural for me when it's not. I'm not casual around people, especially strangers. But the moment, you approached it felt as if I know you for so long. Yeah, I did feel shy around you but I also felt the rest that I never feel around people’.  ‘Relax! I just asked like normally’, he said keeping his hand on my shoulder. ‘It happens kiddo!’, he said, ‘We can never predict what is ahead? You can't choose whom to meet in your way, it's all written’. ‘I don't know much about destiny and all’, I said, ‘But I know that I have my reasons to stay away from them, to stay alone in my world’. ‘You will be okay, with time’, he said, ‘You will be able to opt the surrounding’. ‘Hope so!’, I said and took a sigh. ‘Anyways, you didn't tell me exactly! Why did you fell for me, only?’ I asked.‘Why?’, he uttered and made a questioning face as he took the sip of his coffee. ‘Why can't I fall for you? You are a breathing girl, with all flesh and bones and I'm an alive man, it's natural to fall for you’, he exclaimed. ‘Riaan! Everybody around you is alive, but you can't feel like this for everyone’, I said, ‘Stop blabbering and say the truth’. ‘Ira! I'm blabbering, because I really don't have any reason to give you that, why you! I don't know, what happened, where it all started when it all started, I just did what I felt like doing and flew like a river. The river itself took its turn and took you along, I didn't do anything’, he explained. ‘You are such a philosopher, Riaan! Can't you give a simple answer to a simple question?’, I asked irritatingly. ‘I told you, what I experienced. That's all’, he shrugged. Finding me, disappointed, he walked on his knees towards me, put his hands across my neck. I looked up to him as he was taller than me and he was on his knees while me sitting folding my leg. He ran his thumb on my cheeks smoothly, ‘Stop thinking too much, kiddo!’, he whispered, as he bent his head and our head touched. ‘I'm still not able to accept it properly, Riaan!’, I uttered as tears rolled down my cheeks, he kept me holding like that. ‘I'm scared!’, I said. ‘For?’, his voice came out slow and husky. ‘I don't know, I'm just not used to so much love, that you are giving me. I always used to think that I'm too tough to be loved, nobody can love me because of my rude, arrogant nature. You know, when I started having feelings for you, I hesitated to accept it because I thought it can't be true. Why would you love a blunder like me? I thought I'm not of your status’, more tears came out as I continued, ‘I also started feeling that I'm not allowed to love somebody neither anyone is allowed to love me, I thought, I don't deserve love. And now, I'm scared because what if this all a dream and it will break someday because for a girl like me, to be loved by a man like you is only a dream, Riaan’. ‘Shhhhh!’, he hissed and wiped out my tears, ‘Don't you talk too much in one breath?’, he said. I broke down completely, crying out loudly and heavily. He took me in his arms, ‘Calm down!’, he said. ‘I'm tired, Riaan! I can't handle this fear anymore, I want to be free. I want to feel liberally for you without any kind of stress, without any kind of fear of losing you’, I said crying. ‘Come! You need rest’, he whispered and slowly he laid me on the bed and he laid beside. He leaned upwardly on me, I could see his face in front of me and feel him closely. I was about to say something when he put his fingers on my lips, ‘Don't say anything, I can hear it without your saying it, and don't think much. Just see me, I'm here, you are here, that's all should be in your head’, he ran his fingers smoothly all over my face and I felt that sensation inside my body, his cold touch, his soft but male hand. ‘Do you even have a little hint, what these beautiful eyes of yours, do to me? You can't even imagine, how much worse I feel when tears capture it coming from unloved memories. I want your eyes to be filled with me, and my memories’, he looked me sadly with love. ‘Miss Ira Ahuja!’, he whispered my name passionately in his heavy voice, ‘You are all mine, you live with me all the time. How can I lose you? I can't even think of that. Whenever I'm away or you miss me, just close your eyes and try to feel me in the air’. He put his lips calmly on my forehead, I felt that soft and smooth flesh, as I closed my eyes. He kissed my eyes one by one, he must have tasted my tears. He smoothly slipped his lips below towards my cheeks, he then took my cheek between his lips. He ran his thumb over my dry lips, I felt what his mere touch on my lips did to me inside. The next moment, I found my lips in the grip, between his lips. That was just a small roll, but I knew it would be the most special for me that will never leave me. I opened my eyes slowly, and he was there looking at me just so close to my eyes, we stopped there, without saying anything just locked into each other's eyes as if we were talking through them. His eyes told me what his mouth could never utter, I read and saw almost everything and I wanted to get escape with that man somewhere away from the world. Just then he said, ‘I want to hide you within me, Ira! From where you can never get out even if you want to’. I pushed my upper body up towards him, crossed my hands around his neck, and hugged him. I felt his smooth flesh of the neck when my face got buried on that, I hid there, hugging him tightly. ‘Thank you for Loving me, Riaan, and most importantly, thanks for believing and understanding’, I whispered underneath my breath near his ear.