Can you fix a broken?

Chapter 2

After some time and some tests Bruce has given the okay to move you in another room.

Your pov

"Where a-are you guys bringing me" I asked in a bit of fear.

"No worries. We're bringing you to a room and there you can have some rest okay?" Bucky said.

I tried to stand up, but winced in pain, because of my stomach. Bucky was looking at me with worried eyes. "I'm okay", I said, but when I stood up I had fallen over. Luckily Bucky managed to catch me and picked me up in bridal style.

"Doll, I know you're in pain." he said, looking deep in my eyes.

He brought me in a big room, with huge windows and an own bath. He laid me down and I instantly fell asleep.

I don't know how long I was out for, but I was extremely relaxed. As I rolled over I saw metal arm aka Bucky sleeping in a chair next to me. "Gosh he looks so cute" I thought. I quietly tried to stand up and get to the bathroom. A sigh of relieve escaped under my breath and I immediately locked the door to sled down on the floor.

I'm done. Why are you doing this. Why are they nice. I'm a worthless piece of shit. Why am I still alive. I don't deserve to be here. Just die, no one's gonna miss you. I thought.

"Hey you okay there? I woke up and saw no one's here." a soft voice called.

"uhh yeah. I-I'm fine I guess. Just going to shower." Ohh goood I'm such a burden! Why am I like that?

"Okay, I'm downstairs if you need anything!"

And with that I turned on the shower and searched for a razor. After I found it, I went in to get clean and after that I looked on my wrists...

I grabbed the razor blade and started cutting my arm horizontally, I made a deep cut and one more, two more, three more, four more, five more, six more,........ thirteen more... I looked to my forearm littered with cuts as the blood was pooling out. I drew five more and looked down to my wrists that were covered in blood, my face was red from crying and tears stained my face, I threw the blade into the sink and screamed.

After some time I started to calm down and then washed away the blood. I cleaned up the mess I made, with swiping the floor and sink with paper towels.

There was this feeling of emptiness in me, I felt empty, numb and suddenly became lightheaded, probably of the blood loss. The door unlocked and I stumbled to my bed just to fall unconscious again.

3rd pov

Y/n was still fainted on her bed when Bucky, Steve and Nat came upstairs to check on you. They thought you were asleep, so they let you alone.

In the next morning you woke up and completely forgot what happened yesterday. Nat walked in and saw that you're awake.

"Are you okay? You look pale and-" she asked

"Yeah, I'm fine, just a bit sleepy" Y/n answered.

"Okay, you wanna go downstairs for food?"

To be honest, you were really hungry, like REALLY HUNGRY, because you haven't eaten for like forever. "Umm, not really"

"Come onnnnn! Wanda made her special breakfast, you have to try it out"

You stood up, but hold onto Nat because you're really dizzy. She helped you to get down and got the food out of the fridge. You were really thankful for the delicoius breakfast, even you only could half of it. "T-thank you for th-the food. S-sorry for not eating everything" you say as you started to tear up. Nat came closer and tried to pull into a hug, but you flinched again of fear she would punish you. "привет мой малыш, все будет хорошо(Hey baby, everything is going to be fine)" she said in a soft and calming tone.

"I- Umm... I'm sorry, I'm used to being punished for not eating everything, can I j-just go to my room please?" Y/n asked.

"Sure, get some privacy" she said with a bit of pity in her eyes.

After you went up Tony knocked on the door. "Can I come in?"

You opened the door and looked at him because he wanted to say something.

"Sooo, I know it's much right know, but may you tell us what happened? If you don't want to talk about it it's okay, we could also get Wanda, she can look into your memories." Tony explained.

Y/n was overwhelmed but nodded, when he got out you just sink to the floor and thought about the things Hydra has done to you. You get flashbacks from the torture when you didn't succeed in fights, or when they tried to brainwash you and cut my stomach open when it didn't work. Meanwhile tears roll down your face and you try to cry as quietly as possible.  Once you got hold of your tears you decided to go over to bucky. You hesitated because you didn't want to burden him with your problems. You took your courage and wanted to knock now, but the door opened before you could react and Bucky stands in it.

"Are you-" before he could finish his question you fell crying in his arms: "I-I-I I just can't. P-please I'm so s-sorry I don't want to di-disturb"

He stroked my hair out of my face -again- and looked deep into my tearful y/e/c eyes and I looked into his.

"Wanna come in and talk about it, doll?"

You just nodded and he takes you on his bed and waited until you were ready to talk. He just sat there and waited, it was so heartwarming.

Your pov

I just snuggled up to his side while Bucky rubs my back. After some stime I looked at him and let out a breath of guiltyness.

"So my time at Hydra.... The whole time I just wished to die.... I-I hoped to die from the experiments,b-but I didn't... Th-They made me kill INNOCENT PEOPLE" my voice raised.

"You can't help it... You didn't know what you were doing" he tried to explain, but he didn't know I wasn't brainwashed...

"but I can and I am so incredibly sorry, I'd rather die, than knowing what I've done!" I blurted out, "They weren't able to brainwash me, but they said... they s-said if I won't do it they'll kill my friends... L-Little did I know... THEY WERE ALREADY DEAD..."

"ohh y/n... You did it for your friends okay? Your past doesn't determine your future"

My eyes started to water again, i couldn't help but cry....

3rd pov

After Bucky tried to comfort y/n while she was crying, she fell asleep on his chest. He didn't want to get up because you were sleeping so peacefully. About 3 hours later, Bucky fell asleep too.