New Beginnings

Chapter 6

      It was Friday and I had nothing to do. I didn't want to call Peyton and Allison was at her grandmothers. So I texted Houston.

     Want to hang out? We could go to the mall or see a movie? I don't care. You pick.

     He answered me a few minutes later.

     I'd love to! We could hang out at the park. I'll bring pizzas. Cheese pizza, breadsticks, and Dr. Pepper right? 

     I smiled to myself. He'd remembered my favorites.

     Right. I'll meet you at noon.

     That gave me three hours to shower and get ready.

     At noon, I arrived at the park. Houston was already there. He'd brought everything. A blanket, the food, and a laptop to watch movies.

     He saw me coming and hopped up.

     "Hey! How are you?" 

     "I'm good! Thanks for bringing everything. I brought some strawberries so we can pretend we are healthy and some cookies to combat the healthiness." 

     He laughed. "Thanks. I love strawberries."

     We settled down on the blanket. 

     "I downloaded some movies if you want to watch one. I didn't know what you like so I got a little bit of everything. You pick."

     I was shocked. Peyton never let me pick. He always insisted we watch what he wanted to watch. I scrolled through the movies and decided on Rear Window. It's an old Alfred Hitchcock movie where a man has to prove a murder he witnessed from his apartment window.

     "I've never seen it." Houston says. "But I love old movies."

    "It's one of my favorites. Me and my dad love watching old movies together. I watch this one with him all the time."

     We talked while we ate. Neither of us really payed attention to the movie.

     "How is dance going?"

     "What?" 

     "You said at the party that you dance. How are classes going."

     "I'd forgot I told you that!" I laughed. "They are going great. We are starting recital season so we have a lot more classes in order to learn the routines."

     "Do you do the kind where you dance on your toes?"

     I laughed. "I do. It's called pointe."

     "Does it hurt?"

    "Yes. But the pain is worth it. In fact, I'm proud of it. It means I'm working hard."

     "That's really cool. I'll have to come watch you at your recital."

     I looked at my lap to hide my smile. 

     "Do you do any sports?" I asked him, trying to get the conversation off of me.

     "I play soccer. I play through a league and school. I'm trying to get a scholarship for it."

     "How long have you played?" 

     "Since I could walk. My dad was trying to go pro before he met my mom. They got married and had me so he got a steady job. He tries to live vicariously through me so he pushes me hard but I don't mind. I love soccer. Are you close with your parents?"

      I looked at my lap again. This was difficult to answer.

     "Yes. But they aren't home often. They own an insurance company so they are really busy. I love them to death but I wish they would be home more. It gets lonely sometimes." 

     "Well, if you ever get lonely. I'm a phone call away." 

     I smiled. 

     "Thank you, Houston. You are a great friend."

     He paused and hesitated before continuing.

    "Can I ask you a question and you have to promise to answer truthfully. No lying."

    I nodded. "I promise."

    He looked me in the eye. "Do you love Peyton?"

     "Honestly," I answer, "I don't know. I thought I did. But he is so irrational lately. He isn't the same person I thought I fell in love with. I tried to break it off but he convinced me not to. I was so confident going in but he apologized and I felt bad. We are still together. It just that every time I'm with him, I feel like I'm a different person. Someone more submissive and I don't like it."

     Houston frowned. "What do you mean?"

     "I always do what he wants. He picks the movie, the restaurant, where we hang out. I don't get a say. And he always convinces me I'm wrong even if I know I'm right. When I'm in the moment I don't realize I'm falling for it until afterwards."

     "Vanessa," Houston says, grabbing my hand. "He's not good for you. You need to break it off. I'm worried for you."

   "But, he's already going through so much. I don't want to hurt him more." I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes and I hate it. I don't want to cry in front of him.

     "Nessa, listen to me. He will hurt you. Yes, he is going through something terrible right now. But things will only get worse. He needs help, yes. But not yours. A therapist maybe. You can't be with him. What if he hits you? What will you do then?"

     He already has.  I think to myself. I nod and He holds my hand tighter.

     "You're my friend. You mean a lot to me. I don't want you getting hurt." 

     "Ok. I understand. I will break things off next chance I get." 

     He gives me a small smile. "Good." 

That night I'm feeling stressed and overwhelmed so I drive to the dance studio. The owners let me use it as long as I promise to lock up after. Nancy, the owner, is locking up as I arrive. She gives me a knowing look and hands me the key.  

     I flip on all the lights. The familiar smell of sweat and the polish used to keep the Marley floor clean is comforting. I plug my phone up to the speaker and hit shuffle on my sad playlist. 

     My movements are wild and unchoreographed, but I pour my heart out into my movements. I'm sweaty and out of breath. I know I look foolish but I don't care. When I'm too tired to continue, I sink to the floor and put my head in my hands. I'm overwhelmed. I don't know how things with me and Peyton got so crazy, so messed up. I miss the way it used to be. But I know now that things will never go back to the way they were. I won't let them.