SHE'S NOT THE MAIN CHARACTER

1

Clouds are dark and it is raining heavily today. Thunders are loud it is almost everything that I hear.

There's a river beneath me.

60 feet away from where I am and when I decide to jump off this bridge I'm sure the raging water won't let me live.

At least, that's what I was sure of.

Before.

Before this river failed me so many times when I decided to end it all.

I jumped off once and guess what? I just got bruises since I dive into the water with so much professionalism. I was an experienced swimmer. I dive hands and head first. I was really good.

Then one time I decided to dive in with my back first. But some idiot came, and stopped me. He even drive me home and I was so short of patience that time I thought he won't be able to leave without bruises from me.

Then the next day, I went to this bridge again. I continued my plan to fall with my back first and guess what?

I woke up in a fucking white-medicine-scented room which is unfortunately a hospital room.

I was even stressed out because I didn't know how I'm gonna pay my bills for my hospitalization.

I tried to jump even more after failing three times but this bridge won't just let me die that fast.

Like what the hell, man?

I don't even use Ecosia app so I'm not helping to plant trees by any means so why wouldn't you just let me leave?

I smoke which adds in air pollution. I'm too talkative and my mouth is a fuckin' profanity machine gun. Man, I contribute mainly to noise pollution specially when I'm drunk.

SO WHY?

Why won't you just let me leave this effin planet and let me suffer in hell instead?!

And don't let me start about getting hit by a running car or jumping off a building.

And what?

Get my body ruined?

I'll die like that and will not even let my soul to see myself in my funeral because the coffin is close?

No thanks, I am better be alive and suffering instead.

And so after many attempts, I decided to take a break. Since my life is going smooth this days (well, not that smooth but atleast I'm used to it) I'll let this bridge off.

But from time to time, I'm coming back especially when the weather is bad.

Because I can't hear a thing aside from the storm. Not even scenes that keeps playing on my goddamn mind.

Sa ilog ako nakatingin pero malayo ang isip ko. I was just get back to my senses when my phone rang.

It was a message from my younger brother, we are six siblings and I am the oldest. He's telling me to go home already.

Binulsa ko ang telepono ko saka ko hinagis ang batong kanina ko pa hawak.

Sinundan ko iyon ng tingin habang mabilis na bumabagsak sa tulay. Dahil medyo malaki 'yon, medyo maraming tubig din ang tumalsik.

Mas maraming tubig siguro 'yung tatalsik kapag ako yung bumagsak no?

I twist my head sideways and turn my back on the river. Dahil hindi ko ugaling magpayong ay basang-basa na ako ng ulan.