All time low - a Pierre Gasly short story

4 - unstable

~fast forward to Dec 31, 2018~

Pierre and i had long talks on our flights but we decided to stay friends. We both knew there was tention, but it wasn't enough. So i on-off-dated some mechanics and personell from other teamsin the paddock but it was more for fun.
Pierre went into a relationship but ended things again because of traveling the world and she couldn't cope with it. And to be honest, he never loved her. He tried to distract himself from me sleeping around.
Later on in 2018 my parents died in a plane crash and my brother commited suicide. So i was alone. No aunts or uncles, no grandparents. No one was there, except the boys. They are my family now.

Our group had gathered again at my house for the annual New Years party.

„Hold on, season summary" Charles yelled drunken.
Pierre 
F1 driver for Scuderia Torro Rosso, P7 in Monaco, P6 in Hungary. Got #1 driver within the team and 15th overall in the standings. 2019 F1 #2 driver for RedBull Racing partnering Mr. Dutch himself next season.

Anthoine
GP3 champion with ART, Renault Academy driver, F1 test driver for Renault. 2019 F2 driver for BWT Arden and soon-to-be F1 driver hopefully. Still taken and happy about it.

Charles
best looking guy on the grid, F1 driver for Sauber partnering a wonderful looking Marcus Ericsson. P6 in Baku, surviver of a big crash in Spa, and 2019 #2 driver for Scuderia Ferrari with a 5-year contract. But please don't talk about Monaco. Oh and just ended things with Giada. But onto a new thing with Charlotte.

Malou 
hands down, best social media manager at the grid and probably also the best looking. Got promoted together with Pierre because of the great video with teaching languages by Max and our lovely French baguette Pierre. Lost my parents and got a house.

„Should we add the things about you making out with the mechanics?" Charles asked cheeky. I slapped him on his arm. Everybody laughed. „To be clear, it was just bonding with other teams. To get to know their strategy." i tried to play it cool during the season. I lost my family. I lost everything. And then there were my depressions. My inner demons. Who showed up more often. I went to a therapist and got some pills. After finding the right dose i felt like i could hug the world again. I was happy again, didn't have to fake the smiles. Pierre, Charles and Anthoine were the only ones who knew it. They helped me through the season. I was happy to work with Pierre. He's in my inner circle now. He knows everything and every detail. Sometimes when depressions hit hard, he lets me stay over at his room. We cuddle and watch Netflix. Sometimes we shared a bed. But it became rare since he was in a relationship. Now we're mostly jamming to music, singing and dancing around in his driver room. Luckily Brandon Hartley is a nice Kiwi and joins in from time to time.

„You wanna watch the fireworks over the Marina?" Tonio came up to me and asked. „Yeah sure. Was just daydreaming. I'm there in a sec". I went back to the kitchen and grabbed some Champagne and glasses and headed towards the terrace. Charles was there with his new fling and Anthoine with his longtime girlfriend. Pierre came up to me „wanna cuddle in my arms and watch the fireworks? I could need company out here." i smiled and nodded. As i gave everyone their glas i went up to Pierre and he hugged me from behind and turned me around. I rested my head on his chest and he laid his chin on my head. And then it clicked. There was a moment. I saw into his ocean-blue eyes and there it was. I didn't see him as a friend anymore. I want more. I want his laughs, his touches, his kisses, his heart.
We stood there staring in each others eyes. For seconds, for minutes, for hours. Then i turned around and stepped away. „No no no! I can't love him. It's wrong in so many ways!" i mumbled to myself whilst storming into the kitchen. Charles girlfriend followed me into the kitchen. „Everything ok Lou? You look like you've seen a ghost!" she stroke my back. „I made a mistake! I can't let it happen. No. I need to quit! I can't work with him." words just came out like a waterfall. Tears rolled down my cheeks. My inner demon were there, they wanted to pull me down with them. I was nearly soken in by my demon then suddenly someone grabbed my arm. It was Pierre. „What do you want? Leave me alone! You made it worse!!!! You know we can't do it. So go - LEAVE!" i screamed at him. Now i just realized he was crying. He turned around and went out of the house. I apologized to Charles, Anthoine and the girls and then they went home.