The Alternate State

chapter 5

I awake the next morning, and rub my eyes tiredly as I sit up. I half expected to see Val setting coffee next to my bed with her sweet sing-song voice asking what I want for breakfast. Who knows where she is now, I can only imagine worse case scenarios now, so  I get up and lay clean clothes out, beige cargo pants, a long sleeve white shirt and my favorite jacket.gabes jacket. I take a shower, not noticing the waters luke warm. Then I repack my stuff going  over and over my supply list one last time.before trudging downstairs to find caffeine.

All i can think about is valerian as i eat, not really tasting the food, staring off into space. I hope she's alive at least, wherever she is, on second thought, maybe I don't, maybe after what I heard last night it would be a mercy if they just killed her instead. I'm so tired of losing people I love. I search the house looking for my parents and realize they've already gone, no ones going to be dabbing my tears or holding my hand this morning, not in this house.

I grab my phone out of my pocket, and go to call link and invite him over, but I hesitate for a moment. Not really knowing what to say at this point. I press the call button anyway and  raise a shaky hand to my ear and wait for him to answer, it rings and rings, but I get no answer. Huh.  He always answers the phone, sometimes even on the first ring. Maybe he is still recovering from last night, or maybe he's chickened out, but just in case i call him again. Still no answer. With everything that's been going on lately I begin to worry. My heart aches at the thought of something happening to him too despite everything that's gone on between us, I'd still break apart if I lost him too, I'd  lose the last vestige of warmth left in my heart.

I pack up a to go mug and the few foods I've set aside for our journey and make the trek to school alone. The sun has just risen and the sky is a blazing pink, birds fluttering to and fro, they have no concept of the dark ache in my chest or the tears I've shed this week. Things are so simple for them, not like it is for me, and for a moment I envy the birds, their carefree life of ease. No one's double crossing them, no one's kidnapping their only real family. No they just get to soar high above the problems of this world.

I come upon the school just as a crisp breeze picks up and I hug my arms to myself, wishing I'd grabbed a thicker jacket for our journey, who knows where we'll be sleeping tonight, and more sanitizer too come to think of it. The crowd of Senior mulling about the front of the school is a coffifany of sound and movement as teachers hurriedly try and bring some semblance of organization to the large group. I'm the youngest in my class, most of my classmates are nearly adults which makes the teachers job that much more difficult. I moved up two grades and only did one year of middle school thankfully, what a sweet mercy that was, because that was the year I lost Gabe, and the last thing I needed was the emotional rollercoaster that is middle school adding to the angst I already felt that year. I find a spot to stand near a tree aways from everyone else, I ignore the usual stares and side glances, the bus begins loading and Lincoln is nowhere to be found. As the group begins to file on to the bus someone grabs my hand, I turn on my heel to find Lincoln's haggard face greeting mine. I look down at his hand gripping mine and a shot of electricity passes between us before he drops my hand and pushes his hair  back with it instead and slides his hands into his pocket, rocking back on his heels and saying "Well, it's showtime. Are you ready for this Cresent?" The use of my full names stings in a way I wasn't expecting. No more are the days of princess  I guess. But after last night I get the distance. Things got pretty tense last night and that kiss didn't help things any.

I board the school bus taking a seat near the back, to my surprise Lincoln slides in next to me. I had kind of thought he would sit somewhere else to sit for the bumpy ride to the observatory, after the bumpy ride we've  shared this week, who could blame him. I mostly stare out the window as we ride along, a symphony of chatter fills the air as excited students enjoy their freedom out of doors and not stuck inside the stuffy classroom. Finally after many moments of silence Link raises his eyes to mine and says, "Pretzel?" as he holds out a soft pretzel, lightly salted. "Uh, no, it's a bit too early for Pretzels I think." I say awkwardly as the unexpected gesture takes me by surprise. I instantly feel bad, I should have just taken the lightly salted olive branch he offered me, but it's too late now, the hurt in his eyes a reminder of who we were just mere hours ago.