Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
Gif: andy-clutterbuck on Tumblr
"Hey," I call Rick to get his attention after the self defense class was over and people filed out. Rick stopped packing his things up and glanced up at me.
"I thought it'd be helpful to practice some more close-combat moves." I suggest, also hinting that I'd like more time and training. He nods, silently agreeing with me.
"So..." I continue to say, "whenever you have the chance, I would be happy to learn more." I smile at him, about to dismiss myself from the room with the others.
"Wait." He ordered softly. I pivoted from leaving to staying, a little anxious to see what he wanted. He was a very closed off and cold guy, so I expected this conversation to be one sided.
"I can teach you now if you want." He tells me. He gives me a side eye, waiting for me to respond. I was a bit surprised by his quick offer, but I didn't have anything going on.
"That works just fine." I say with a warm smile. He gives a small one back, amused. I was keen to see any side of Rick that wasn't stoic. He motioned with a nod of his head to follow him to the mats where we practiced moves. Him and I stood face to face as I waited for him to introduce me to new maneuvers. He first explained them to me, then had me try them on him. The first few weren't anything out of the ordinary. He kept to himself for the first few minutes, making the session a bit uneasy.
A particular move involved grabbed him grabbing my ponytail from behind. Once he talked me through the motions I would perform to get out of his grip, he commented,
"I think it's useful to be putting in extra time." I performed the maneuver before responding to him. Once I completed it, we locked eyes as we were at ease. He waited for me to respond,
"Thank you." I say. We practice the move a few more times in silence before transitioning to another. This one involved him wrapping his arms around me from behind, impeding my ability to move my arms.
"Do they help you?" I ask him. I didn't move until he spoke so I remained in his arms. I was trying to hold my calm and casual composure, even though I was in his embrace. It was a strange feeling, but his embrace felt safe. It could be from his leadership or even his build that made me feel safe. He took a moment to answer and I waited.
"They do." He answered. I then dismantled his leg with mine and brought him to the ground. I helped him up by extending a hand to him. He looked like he had more to say to me.
"Learning these maneuvers isn't going to guarantee your survival." He bluntly stated. He took me into his arms once more for another repetition of the move. I thought over his response to my question carefully,
"I know nothing is going to guarantee I live or die," I begin to say, then put him to the ground. I help him up again. "But I want to know if this is a waste of my time." I look into his eyes and made sure he was telling me the truth. He has seen it all out there. I trusted what he told me about survival. We were both at ease again. He took a moment to reply, trying to sum up the words.
"When I was out there, there was a time I ran into these men. They were like a gang. They hurt Daryl... they were gonna kill Carl, Michonne, and then me." He pauses in silence before continuing. I listened intently and remained quiet. "What I did to protect them is something that still is with me." He confesses. He had his head bowed and then met my eyes with his. He wasn't going to tell me exactly what he had done, and I didn't need to know. I understood it was something I couldn't learn from training. I didn't want him to tell me any more if he didn't want to. I yearned for him and wanted to give him sympathy. Our eyes remained locked on one another,
"I'm sorry that happened, Rick." I say. He shakes his head,
"I'm not." He states and looked into my eyes again. "It led me here. It kept them all safe." He paused before continuing. "I've gotten to a point where I'll do anything to survive. And it sounds cliché, but I've seen more than I thought I ever would." He touches my upper arm with his hand in a comforting gesture. "And I hope you can do what I've done and what my group has done." He wishes for me into my eyes. It was a very intimate moment he just initiated. I wanted to know more about Rick and I could tell I had romantic feelings developing for him.
"I want to." I told him. We kept our gaze and I could sense us both growing closer to one another. His hand slowly traced down my arm before he took his touch from me. It had been silent between us for many moments,
He broke the silence when he asked, "Would you like to have dinner with me tonight?" I couldn't hide my smile, but I tried to contain the giddiness I felt within me. I nod and told him I would. He smiles and grazed my arm once more before walking away and packing his things.
