New Avenger, Old Past | Bucky Barnes x Reader

Chapter 14

     I slowly wake, only to find Bucky tossing and turning. I notice a faint glisten on his forehead. I look at his state, and I feel my heart drop. The strongest man I know is shaking and sweating like a mad man,"Bucky," I gently shake his shoulders,"Bucky, babe, wake up." Suddenly, his vibranium hand finds my throat. I gasp for air, but none comes. He subconsciously throws me to the ground, my hands shaking from the lack of air and fear. 

    "James Buchanan Barnes, wake up!" I yell, hopefully pulling him out of his hostile trance. A certain darkness disappears from his eyes, and a look of worry replaces it. His chest moves heavily, and his eyes glisten with tears. 

     "Y/N... are you ok? Did I hurt you I didn't mean-"

     "Hey, hey, hey, don't worry about it. I'm still breathing and not bleeding. I'm ok. The real reason you should be worried is because of what's going on with you." I take a step towards him. He steps back, his hand now being held out in front of him. 

     "Don't come any closer." He says, sternly. He starts toward the door, but I run and block his way.

    "No, we're not done here."

    "Move, Y/N."

    "No." I repeated, looking him dead in the eye. He looks down at my, his face switching from anger to sadness. I reach up to rest my hand on his cheek, but he turns away. He walks back towards my bed and sits. He breathes in and out, trying to calm himself. I watch until his shoulders shake, causing me to walk over and sit down in front of him. I look into his broken eyes, and my heart aches,"Talk to me."

    "I don't want to." He says, his voice faltering. My heart shatters into a million pieces.

    "I know."

    I stand up so I'm at his eye level. He wraps his arms around my waist. My fingers slowly glide up and down his back while his head sinks into my neck,"I know it's hard. I really do. But, the best you can do is talk about it. It doesn't have to be now," His hands grip my waist and pull me closer,"but, soon. I want to help you, babe. Just let me in." An idea popped into my head, causing me to stand up straight.

    "Ok, hear me out. I know you don't want to talk about it, but if you want me to understand you, I just need you to let me in that scattered head of yours." Bucky nods, getting what I mean. My hands hover out from the sides of his head. I close my eyes and enter his thoughts.

    The wave of pain and sorrow almost pulls me out, but I refuse to go that quickly. I see images of bodies, torture devices, blood, weapons. The sound of screams and cries for help tear me apart, along with the feeling of open wounds and guilt. I travel through his thoughts, only to find more and more devastating memories. After what feels like days, I see me. It's me lying on what looks like the floor of the training room from HYDRA. My body is covered in blood, sweat, and tears. I lay on the floor, shaking and coughing up blood. I remember this. It was right after Bucky had first gotten brainwashed,"You... you're an asshole, Barnes." I spit at him. That's what brings me out, only to find a worse looking Bucky.

    "I'm so... so sorry, Y/N" He hides his face in his hands. I push them away and force him to look at me.

    "That's all in the past. That wasn't you. It was the Winter Soldier. And, you, are not him. You are Bucky Barnes. You are my soldier. You are no longer HYDRA." I wipe the tears from his cheek and kiss him on his forehead.

    For awhile, we just stand there, his head buried in crook of my neck. I eventually pull him back into bed. He doesn't fall back asleep for a few hours, and neither do I. We stay awake in each other's comfort, my fingers running through his hair. Eventually, his eyes lightly shut, and he looks at peace once again. I hate seeing him any other way.

    He's not the only one that feels his pain.

Hey y'all. Sorry I didn't post yesterday, I got too caught up in other people's fanfics and completely spaced. To make up for it, I'll be posting again later tonight. Again, I'm sorry and thank you for reading!