New Avenger, Old Past | Bucky Barnes x Reader

Chapter 4

    "You'll never be good enough, Y/N." My mother grabs the front of my shirt, lifting me off the ground,"You're worthless. Be grateful I kept you alive all these years." She throws me on the ground. I cry out to her, hoping that she'll turn around and say that she's kidding. She'll save me from these people and we'll laugh it off. She'll turn around and say that I'm her baby and she would never give me to HYDRA. But, she doesn't. Instead she takes her money. She takes her nonexistent gilt and her overflowing ego. I scream for her, a girl needs her mother right?

    I jerk awake, my cheeks wet and my neck, sweaty. I try to calm myself, to slow my breathing. But, instead my breathing turns into a sob, and my emotions run rampant. I cry until my head aches and forces me to stop. I shakily wipe my eyes, replaying the dream in my head. I grab my slippers, reluctant for my feet to feel the cold wood. I go upstairs into the kitchen, searching for a glass. Then, I notice a silhouette on the balcony. I can't tell who it is until I notice the vibranium shining in the moonlight. Suddenly unconcerned about my state of mind, I find myself walking to the open glass door.

    "Bad dream?" I ask. I feel his eyes shift to me, staring at my disheveled state.

    "I could ask you the same thing." I walk over to him, leaning against the steel railing. I look out into the city, the lights mesmerize me. You don't see this kinda thing at home.

    "So what was yours about?" I look over at Bucky, his eyes searching the floor as if looking for an answer.

    "You went through the whole HYDRA thing. I went through all that, and just a little more. Just try to imagine being over a hundred years old."

    "Well lucky for you, you don't look a day over 24."

    "Thanks, Doll," He turns and gives me a sad smile,"I just never got to live my life. Instead I... I was forced to kill all those people. And, the worst part is, I remember every single one." His eyes sadden, and my heart breaks just a bit. I may have only just reunited with him, but the old feelings have already resurfaced.

    Before I can stop myself, I have my arms wrapped around him. He does the same, causing me to bury my head in his shoulder. And, we just stand there. I grip the back of his t-shirt and my shoulders shake as I start to sob; his hands glide up and down my back in attempt to comfort me. Despite the sudden closeness of us, the only thing I can think about is Mom. I think of how she treated me, how she used me. What mother does that to her own daughter? Then I think of Pepper, and my question is answered. No mother does.

    I look up at Bucky and stare into his eyes,"Sorry," I smile,"I got your shirt a little wet."

    "It's ok, Doll. The only thing I care about right now is what's goin' on in that pretty little head of yours." His fingers stoke my cheek, whipping away the river of tears, then finally resting on my shoulder. I look at my furry slippers before explaining the vivid dreams of Mom and HYDRA I've been having recently. When I look back up, the one thing I'm surprised to be absent in his eyes is sympathy. Instead lies understanding, empathy, and comfort,"It was terrible, Y/N. The fact that anybody, especially you, had to go through even a day of that makes me wanna vomit. But, we're alive and we're free. It's all in the past so we both need to learn to stop reliving it."

    "Yeah, we're alive. We lived."

    "No, Doll. We didn't live. We survived."