Clusterfuck

xviii

The days turn into weeks and blow right past. They seem to blur together, until Toby can't remember off the top of his head which assignments are due when, when he has to work shifts, what tests and exams he should be studying for sooner rather than later, what days he and Leo plan to meet up at Nim's or the diner or the library or somewhere else just to talk after class.

So. In case anyone was wondering, he has yet to grow a pair and stop this insanity, despite the fact that with every day that passes, he feels himself falling deeper and deeper into a pit that he knows will just destroy him if—when—he attempts to climb back out of it.

But then there's the fact that Leo is really fucking good at math. And Toby is most definitely not.

All of a sudden, fucking February is drawing to a close at a pace faster than Toby can live. He's pretty sure his hand is permanently cramped from desperately scribbling down deadlines and notes-to-self and any information that might make things the slightest bit easier to handle. Never mind the actual assignments.

Soon enough, it's the twenty-fourth, and Toby is on his way into the English hall for his creative writing class when someone calls out his name from afar. He hasn't heard the voice as many times as he's heard others, but he certainly knows it well enough to be able to place a name to it before he even gets the chance to turn around and come face to face with none other than the lovely Steph Aquino.

"Hey," he greets as cheerfully as he can muster. As far as Toby is aware, Leo hasn't said a word to Steph about... anything. So that sinking, guilty feeling he gets whenever she comes around and approaches him with that kind, genuine smile on her face is getting worse and worse every time it happens. He doubts there is anyone else in the world right now that deserves what has happened behind her back less than she does.

"Hey. Do you have a second to talk?"

Several profane words pop into Toby's head at that, and his stomach twists around itself as if it's a wet rag forever trying to rid itself of water. She probably hasn't found out. But what if she has? What if she's finally giving Toby what he deserves?

"Um. Yeah, sure. I've got a few minutes," he says, and he hopes the wavering in his voice is only a trick of his mind.

"Okay. So." She claps her hands together, but they make more of a muffled thump than a clap sound because of her gloves. She then points at him with finger guns. "I need your help."

Relief washes over Toby, but he tries not to let it show. "Me?"

Steph nods and rocks on her heels. "So, this Sunday is Leo's birthday. The twenty-eighth. And I want to throw a surprise party for him."

"Oh. That's... that sounds fun."

"Yeah. So, you know, I was wondering if there was any chance I could recruit you to help me set it up?"

Toby raises his eyebrows. "You want me to help?"

"Yeah. If you can."

"Why?"

Steph scoffs, as if it's a silly question. "I mean, you guys are like, BFFs," she says, beaming at him. "Honestly, I think he might hang out with you more often than he hangs out with me."

Toby can feel his face go beet red.

"Oh, we—we're really not that close," he mumbles, looking away. "And I'm not... uh... I mean, if this is a surprise party, I'm not—I'm really not all that great at keeping secrets."

That's a damn lie. Toby's entire life is a secret.

Steph's smile wavers and her shoulders sink a bit. "Oh," she says, crestfallen. "Are you sure you wouldn't be willing to help out a bit? I—I know you might have your doubts, but I think Leo would really, really appreciate it."