Clusterfuck

extra ii: baby's first pride

<<< AN: i really struggled with this one. the inspiration left the same hour it came lmfao. anyways it's june 30th meaning it's still pride month so i'm still on time. also, very little editing was done after i finished writing this. hope y'all like >>>

June of the same year CF ends i guess (wow i'm so good at establishing timelines)

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Toby stands in front of his bathroom mirror, looking down at the enamel rainbow pin between his thumb and forefinger.

Out of the corner of his eye he notices his phone light up from where it sits face up on the counter, likely with texts from Blue. They're supposed to meet up with him and Jack in half an hour, but the rather prominent twisting in Toby's gut is making him consider canceling everything.

Toby attempts to swallow that uneasy feeling down, closes his eyes, and takes a few deep breaths. He knows, in the back of his mind, that by the end of today, everything will be fine. In fact, he'd probably regret it more if he didn't go.

But, God. It's as if he's back to his fifteen-year-old self right now; overwhelmed by shame and denial, peer pressure from everyone around him drilling into his skull and sending him spiraling.

A soft knock on the wall makes Toby jump, his eyes flying open, and the rainbow pin nearly tumbling from his grip and falling into the sink. He clutches it in his fist, turning toward the doorway.

"Hey," Leo says, a soft smile on his face. Immediately, Toby's chest fills with warmth.

"Hi," he replies, taking a moment to just look at him. "You—you look nice."

Leo's left eyebrow climbs up his forehead, his dimple digging into the left side of his face. "I'm just wearing a t-shirt and jeans."

"Well, I mean, you always look nice."

Leo releases a breathy laugh, his hand coming up to scratch the back of his neck. "Thank you."

They stand there for a moment, looking at each other. When the silence becomes just a tad too overbearing, Toby clears his throat.

"Did Reggie let you in?" he asks.

"Yeah. I, uh, texted you, but you didn't respond."

"Oh." Toby looks down at his phone. "Yeah. Sorry, I haven't—I haven't been paying attention."

Leo nods. "It's fine. Um, are you ready? We're supposed to be leaving soon, right?"

"Yeah, um. You're right. I'm almost—I mean, I just—" Toby's throat grows tight, causing him to choke on his words (not that he had any prepared to begin with), and he leans forward onto the counter, bracing his hands against the edge.

"Hey," Leo says softly, stepping closer. "You all right?"

"Yeah, no, I'm fine," Toby lies. And then he feels guilty almost immediately. "I mean, no. I'm—I'm actually freaking out a little, if I'm being completely honest."

Then Leo's hand is on his back, stable and supportive and everything Toby is the opposite of right now. "What's going on, Toby?"

"I just..." Toby curls his fingernails into his hands, the enamel pin in his right fist digging into his skin as his grip around it tightens. "I guess I'm just, like... having second thoughts. About our plans."

"Oh," Leo says. "We don't have to go, if you don't want to."

"No, I—that's the thing. I want to, I know I do. But I'm just—I just—"