Why Women Burn

Chapter 3

I didn't know how it happened, but suddenly my fist was through the thick glass of the vending machine. Blood started streaming onto the brown carpet.

"Well, who is childish now?"

Iso's voice was muffled. There was a ringing in my ears that made me want to bash my own brains out.

"What do you mean the cycle is broken?"

This was not good. Not good at all. I was losing it. The carefully built personality I had worn for the last few decades came crumbling down around me, slowly revealing the timeless suffering hidden inside. My hand was riddled with glass shards.

"They are back. All of them. Tamara was done with her turn twenty years ago and I was supposed to be next, that's why I checked the freaking software in the first place."

She scratched at her neck nervously.

"I...was planning on flying to Milan this weekend to find him...you know get this over with as quickly as possible but then the entire system went boom..."

I put up my uninjured hand to shut her up.

"This is not how it works Iso..."

"Really? This is your take-away from all this? That I go find him before he finds me, not that they were all reincarnated, at the same time. Something that only happened once before if I may remind you."

I closed my eyes. The world started tilting. I could feel my feet burning on the scorching sand.

"What do you want me to do?"

The question hung in the air for a few moments. Because really there was nothing to do. It was just another anomaly in my existence, another horror I had to face. What did it mean? I didn't care. I had given up understanding any of this a long time ago.

"Help me."

Her voice was strong, confident.

"You were the one that got us out of that desert alive."

"How would you know? You were crying and unconscious most of the time."

She shrugged. Such a human movement for someone that has lived that long.

"I remember your voice. I remember you screaming at Tamara to keep moving. We wouldn't have made it without you."

"Maybe we shouldn't have made it."

Silence. I was mesmerised by the blood snaking its way down my hand.

"Okay, sit down."

Iso planted me on the couch and then grabbed some of the tissues I had on the small table to wipe my hands.

"I know this is a lot. We have been stuck in the same routine for so long it's almost impossible to think that anything might change. It would be idiotic to ignore this opportunity."

Where did she get that optimistic cowshit from? I was just exhausted. Of everything. A dread was overcoming me that I knew well enough. It made me feel like one of my clients.

"Go away, I will deal with him when he finds me, like always."

"Tamara is about to lose her shit you know? How do you think she will react when he comes knocking at her door again this soon? She will end up in an insane asylum and then we are fucked. Maybe you don't want to realise it but all of this technological shit has helped me keep you hidden from all these cameras and documents that want to find out why we never die."

The idea of her sitting in a tiny windowless room knowing my location, trying to help me out made me feel all wrong. Like my world had been turned upside down, more than I could handle. I doubled over and puked off the side of the couch. Iso didn't even twitch.

"Help me get Tamara out of the gutter before she does something stupid. She trusts you."

I hated this. I didn't feel like Aiya anymore. I was angry that this beast of a woman, a creature that was previously only known for her ability to kill, had the audacity to come here and try to guilt me into helping her. Something I had previously done to her.

I had no sympathy for any of them. All four of us were stuck in the same shit for hundreds of years, none of us had it easy. So I shook my head at her and wiped my mouth.

"Leave, Iso."

She stood. I wanted her to lose control, show me that she was still a savage under the polished exterior. Show me that even though I was the one with puke on my shirt and blood on my hands, she was the monster. Iso looked at me like I was a piece of dirt.

"You are nothing more than a shadow of who Aiya was. But even shadows desire. And for you I would say that it is the same thing we all want."

She leaned in closer.

"For this to end. To stop this hellish existence. And I believe that the appearance of all four is a sign. So, if you don't want to do it for anyone else then at least do it for yourself."

I hated her at that moment. How dare she waltz in here and rip me out of my life! I had already accepted my fate and now she had thrown hope at me. I was tempted to just spit in her face and throw her out. I wanted to be left alone. I was not Aiya anymore, didn't have her fierce dedication, her protectiveness. All that was left was a bitter self loathing, that I had been able to ignore up until now. Iso had ripped me open and revealed the rotting corpse of the woman I had been. And I was too tired to sew myself up again. So instead I stood, on wobbly legs. One thing was certain. I was still stubborn enough to try to prove Iso wrong.

"Let's leave before they make me pay for the vending machine."