Why Women Burn

Chapter 5

We landed in Amsterdam on a rainy day. I had not been here since...I tried to remember, but it was almost as blurry as the rain clouding the car windows. But I knew the streets though they looked a lot different now.

"Do you ever forget when you have been somewhere?"

The question flew out of me before I could hold it back. Iso glanced at me.

"Why are you asking?"

I considered not answering.

"I see and feel and go places but...its just my body carrying my brain around. I am not really there."

"I call it zombie mode. Sometimes years go by without me remembering anything but him."

She drove into a narrow road, shadowed by tall rundown houses. I tensed slightly.

"Are you serious?"

"Yes."

"Tamara. The girl that never went anywhere without something blitzy lives here."

"Yes."

This time it sounded grim. Shit. How far had she fallen? And could I get her out of it? We stopped right in front of a house without windows. Prostitutes were leaning against muddy walls, dealers and junkies mixing together in a beautiful cocktail of human despair. The freaking door to the house was slightly open. Did she have no regard for her own life?

The smell of weed and sweat slapped me in the face when I entered the smokey room. A tiny kitchen and a large chair were the only noticeable features of the space. Two men were passed out on the ground, one of them was snoring loudly. Sprawled over the raggedy couch was a beautiful woman. She was face down, her hair matted and dirty, dressed in jeans and a tank top. How the hell did she manage to still look elegant?

Iso pointedly closed the door behind us and nodded towards the chair. My face twisted up in disgust. With a sigh I grabbed Tamara and flipped her over. Her face was streaked with mascara, her lips swollen. It took me a moment to catch my breath. Had she become more beautiful? Any sign of masculinity that had ever existed on her was gone. I don't know what kind of plastic surgeon she had hired but they had done a marvelous job. Gods she looked like an angel. She had always been beautiful, even when she was still stuck in the body of a man. Now she was...painfully breathtaking. She sighed annoyed and her eyelids began to flutter.

"Nice tits."

Iso grunted. I looked down and frowned. They were really nice. Her body had definitely changed since last time I had seen her. But it looked right. The air of wrongness that had surrounded her before was gone. She looked...exactly like she should. Tamara's eyes opened slowly. Blue, almost glowing eyes caught me in their gaze. My heart made a leap.

"Thanks."

She blinked. That's where she seemed to recognize me. She tried to sit up.

"Okay. This is unexpected."

I just gawked at her. I didn't know what to say. For a moment I had the urge to kneel. It felt wrong looking at her. As if something that attractive, that tempting should never exist.

"God, Tamara, you really glowed up, ey?"

Iso said behind me. Tamara's gaze shifted. Then she smiled.

"I know, the doctor was really good."

She looked at me again.

"Is she okay?"

"Yeah."

Iso nudged me.

"Can you stop eyefucking her?"

That ripped me out of my trance.

Tamara fluttered her eyelashes for a moment before bending over and throwing up all over herself. That's when I noticed the red needle marks on her arms.

"It's...I am going to be fine, just give me a minute."

Tamara grunted and threw up again. I looked at Iso.

"Heroin?"

Tamara was the one who answered, her lips twisted in a smile I could only call delusional.

"Thought I would treat myself after getting the bastard under the ground for a few more years."

Shit. Tamara had always had a hang for substances. Anything that could numb, she would take. After the initial shock of being in her presence I noticed that she smelled awful. Like she had stepped out of a 12th century dungeon. One of the men on the floor started to stir. Ugh. I was standing in the epitome of misery.

"Tamara we have to leave now."

Iso made a grab for her but Tamara shook her head.

"No, wait, what is happening?"

She sluggishly pointed at me.

"You said we could not meet. That was you. Why the hell are you here now?"

She acted as if she had just seen me yesterday and not hundreds of years ago. The level of familiarity made my skin tightened.

"Things change."

"Oh do they? So you just expect me to just forget."

"Forget what?"

"You know."

She waved her hand at me. The man on the floor started to sit up.

"The thing you did. In the desert."

"You mean when I saved you?"

Her mouth gaped open in an expression of mocked surprise.

"Oh. Oh thats what you call this?"

The man on the floor looked up at me and blinked.

"What the fuck is this?"

I was enjoying my anger too much. It had been such a long time since I had felt like this towards a person. That is why I did not see the blade coming.