The Scholarship//Sapnap + reader

~3~

!TW: MENTIONS OF PHYSICAL AND MENTAL ABUSE, SWEARING, ATTEMPTED RAPE, SELF HARM AND EXCESSIVE DRINKING!

THIS IS GOING TO BE A HARD AND ANGSTY CHAPTER AND I HIGHLY DON'T RECOMMEND THIS CHAPTER TO ANYONE WHO GETS TRIGGERED BY ANY OF THESE TOPICS IT WAS REALLY HARD TO WRIGHT AND IT TOOK ME A FEW DAYS.

REMEMBER YOU ARE LOVED AND ALWAYS HAVE SOMEONE TO TALK TO IF YOU NEED TO ADD MY SNAPCHAT angnes21

GRAB A DRINK OF WATER AND A SNACK AND REMEMBER IF IT GETS TOO MUCH TO TAKE A BREAK AND COME BACK WHEN YOU FEEL BETTER <3 ENJOY!

(filler chapter on y/n's past!!)

"Goodnight gorgeous".. That was the last thing i heard before closing me eyes.

I didn't react..Why? Well it was simple really i liked the attention and not to mention i was so touch starved i just wanted someone to be touching me every second i breath. I haven't been in a relationship since the last one...it didn't last well...

FLASHBACK/NIGHTMARE:

(your abusive ex is now called Josh cuz we all hate Josh's lmaooooo)

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING! YOU USELESS WHORE!" Josh yelled. I didn't think that i was doing anything wrong, all i was doing is taking the trash out to give to the bin men. Apparently that isn't okay because all it made him do was lash out on me and he slapped me right the left cheek of my face. My eyes immediately started to water "YOUR SUCH A BABY STOP CRYING" he yells at me again.

I put my hands over my cheek and run into the bathroom barging past him making sure to lock the door behind me his screams at me to open the door penetrate my ears making me sob harder than i ever have before. I have never felt so unsafe in my life, especially in my own so called 'home'.

After 30 painful minutes of listening to him call me names such as, 'hore', 'slut', 'bitch', 'baby', ect he left and walked into the kitchen and got another beer out of the fridge. I sat in the very back corner of the bathroom with my head in my knees crying the pain away once again for the 4th day in a row. It seems like a natural routine for me at this point even though i know it's not healthy for me. I looked up, vision blurry from the tears and crawled over to the bathroom cupboard under the sink.

I opened the cupboard doors and started to move all the baskets we had filled with first aid stuff and shampoo and conditioner ect out the way until it revealed a small hole in the wall. I removed the last bottle out the way that covered the hole and took a deep breath in, i put my hand in the wall and picked up a small dirty blade in between my thumb and index finger i took it out and put it on the floor. I stared at while pulling the sleeves of my jumper up to reveal a bunch of other badly healed and scars and cuts on my wrists going up to my elbow. Before thinking twice about it i picked up the blade that had dried up blood on it from the last time i done this and started slicing away at my arm.

Wincing at every bit of pain but i still wanted more, i kept doing this until there was no more space left to cut and so i dropped the bloody blade on the floor and stared at my arm for a few seconds letting warm, salty tears fall onto the now red, soaked arm. It didn't hurt enough i still wanted more pain so i reached my arm back into the hole grabbing out some sea salt i kept in there. I pulled the sea salt out the hole and poured a decent amount on the new cuts. Each spek that fell onto my wounded arm felt like heaven to me. Although, it did hurt...a lot.. i just didn't care at all. I blocked out all the pain i could and continued to pore more onto the cuts.

Once i was done i put the lid back onto the salt and put it away as well as putting the blade back to, i covered up the hole again with the stuff that was there before i then grabbed a bandage and wrapped my arm up not bothering to wash it properly. I heard a loud crashing sound coming from the kitchen and it was followed by jake screaming "AHH...FUCK SAKE! Y/N COME CLEAN THIS UP NOW!". I do as i'm told an i walk out of the bathroom and into the room where the noise came from and i grabbed a dustpan and brush on the way and got onto my hands and knees and started cleaning up after his mess.

"GET UP." These were the last words i heard before i was dragged up of my knees by my hair. "please stop... your hurting me" i say trying to hold back tears. "SHUT THE FUCK UP AND DO WHAT I SAY" Josh shouts back at me. He grabs my wrist and drags me to the bedroom and throws me onto the bed. "TAKE THEM OFF" Josh demands. "what?!.. my clothes?" i say stunned at what he had just said to me.

"OF COURSE YOUR FUCKING CLOTHES WHAT ELSE?" He raises his voice louder than ever, he was starting to get mad and i didnt want to be hit anymore today. I started by removing my oversized jumper then going down to remove my baggy joggers. "GOOD GIRL" he says. Tears start pouring down my face when he gets on top of me--

(if your confused this was all a flashback/nightmare that y/n had and she has now woken up having a panic attack and Nick is trying to calm her down)

I shot up from Nicks arms, tears streaming down my face, unable to get a steady breathing pattern. My heart was going 100 MPH and i didn't know how to stop it.

"Y/N hey..hey.. it's ok im here for you.. i got you..you're safe..i promise" I heard Nick say.

"N-Nick" I turned around and wrapped my arms around his neck and dug my head as far as i could into his chest.

"shhh.shhh..It's ok I'm here now follow my breathing ok-" he says. I nod into his chest and he continues "-breath in 1...2...3 hold it 4...5...6...breath out 7...8...9... keep repeating that you got it." I nod into his chest again doing exactly as he says. After a few minutes of doing what Nick said i was breathing back to normal and stopped crying.

I separated from nick and looked into his eyes and thanked him. I kept seeing his eyes look all around starting from staring at my eyes to to my nose to my cheeks to my lips. He kept his eyes on my lips for way too long. "Fuck it" I said out loud and leaned in to kiss him which he kissed back straight away putting one hand on my cheek and the other on my waist.

We kissed for as long as we could without air to which we were both running out of and i pulled away first and rested my forehead onto his and smiled. "uhm..well...that happened" Nick said he was surprised and i could tell but if he didn't like it he wouldn't of kissed back right?

"Sorry..was that too much?" I asked getting a little worried that i just ruined our friendship. "no" he said "y/n..i love you... i always have since the day i met you" he stops and grabs my hands which i let him and he continues. "Y/N..will you make me the happiest boy in the world and be my girlfriend?"

I was shocked. "Nick......"

~HAHAHAHAHA CLIFFHANGER U FOOLS /J THE NEXT CHAPTER IS ALREADY POSTED I HOPE YOU LIKED THIS ONE AND I KNOW IT WAS A LOT TO HANDLE I HAD TO TAKE LOTS OF BREAKS WHILE WRITING IT.~

~REMEMBER YOU ARE LOVED BY MANY AND PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES~

~GO EAT AND HAVE A GLASS OF WATER~

~I LOVE YOU ENJOY THE REST OF THE BOOK!!!~

~BYEEEEEEE~

~VOTE?~

~1396 WORDS~

~CHAPTER 8 ;)~