// Five Oneshots //

ᴛɪᴍᴇ ᴛʀᴀᴠᴇʟ

You can't tell me that song☝️ is not ✨Amazing✨
Also I'm sorry for not uploading but school is acting like a white ass mom who got her Starbucks 'tea with extra ice' but got it 'tea with light ice' ... Chile- ANYWAYS SO-
this oneshot is gonna use they/them pronouns, if u don't like that or you're simply homophobic suck my non-existing dick:))
Let's get to the story y'all fat (but still amazingly beautiful) bitches

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Y/N pov (cuz they're a bad biss💅🏼)

It was just a normal boring but still pretty normal day, I should say.
Aside from me and Klaus almost making out with each other cuz we were high,
And aside from the fact that Five was annoying my thick ass by saying how he should be able to time travel which I definitely listened to and definitely did not imagine me and my favourite foods weeding...

But here I was now, smoking sum' fat joint with my baby daddy Klaus and my son Ben, who was reading a book in the corner of the room and low-key judging us, and talking to klaus about how good donuts taste and how much of a pain in the ass dad was.. heh

"Y/N!!"
"Oh my fat ass! Watchu want boi?"
"It's time to eat come on, we don't want to get a ass whopping from daddy"
"...kinky, but you're right, let's go."

And then, of course me and my brotherly brother and poor excuse of a brother but still a amazing brother went to the poor excuse of a 'family table'

Time skip to when they sit down cuz daddy reggi is strict as fuck

So here I am now, sitting beside Vanya cuz she's an amazing girl and this whole academy looks down on her beautiful luxurious ass

And of course, there was my baby daddy who was probably smokin' sum' good shit, Allison and Luther making ugly ass at each other- WHY TF IS LUTHER SO STRAIGHT... Author do u know?
(Author: Bitch idk, he's straighter than a ruler💅🏼)
I know RIGHT- ANYWAY

And there is also my brotherly brother or as y'all may call him Ben, who is reading a book... Can't be me

And of course we have Diego who is probably doing sum' stupid shit related with knifes

And there is Vanya, the most perfect person in the academy who is eating like the modern girl she is, go girl!

And five-
OH SHIT! WHAT DID THE TABLE DO TO HIM!
Y/n thought, as they saw hot daddy get mad and stab the table... Oop-

(If y'all saw the show, y'all would know who said what, also I don't remember shit so if it's wrong...)

"I want to ask a question"
"Curiosity is an admirable goal, but you know the rules no talking in the dinner table, you are interruption Herr Karleuson (idk how to spell his last name hoe)

"I want to time travel"
"Absolutely not!"
"But I've been practicing my spatial jumps like you said."

Yelled five, special jumping besides daddy reggi "to prove a point"

He gon' get his ass kicked... That's his problem ha

Then out of fucking nowhere Y/n got lost in their thoughts, thinking about chocolate and other beautiful foods on their weeding day with y/n

"One is like sliding along the ice, the other one is like a kin diving to the depths of the freezing water and reappearing as an acorn. Now I forbid you to talk about this"

Oop- daddy reggi got mad!
Nutella, bread and marshmallows sound gudd rn, (I'm hungry now and it's midnight in Greece:))
Ah yes, they sound so guuddd!
How would baby Nutella sandwiches look like an-

Y/n was dragged and got their wig snatched from their thoughts when they saw hot daddy slam the door

Oh hell naw, he ain't leaving my ass that fast

And so my stupid ass ran towards five, ignoring mad daddy yelling at me to come back

"Five, I'll come with you!"
Why-WHY DID I SAY THAT!
"... Okay, just turn into a snake and sit on my shoulder, it'll be easier"

"Yes daddy"

And so my stupid ass turns into a snake and of COURSE I sit on Five's right shoulder while wrapping my tail around his left arm to secure my fat but thick ass

"I'll close my eyes though"

They whisper into fives ear still in snake form

"Not ready my ass!"

Is all Y/n heard before five time traveled, and Y/n got warm and cold and then dusty in a matter of seconds

"Five, why the fuck is it so dusty- Oh my fucking god!"

Bitch... WHERE THE FUCK DID THIS HOT DADDY TRAVEL US TO... BITCH I SHOULD SAY WHEN

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Well a special bye to my non-binary hoes, I love you and I wish you have an amazing day
And If someone is being homophobic tell me so I can snatch their wig and make them meet the droppen croissant in the after life 💕💕