their eulogies sang us to sleep [ ITACHI & SASUKE ]

iii) trying to choke down the feeling

The morning Sasuke returns to the Academy is also the day Itachi returns to ANBU.

Not active duty, of course. It's still way too soon to leave Sasuke by himself while he takes off on a mission. But the majority of ANBU are stationed within the village anyway, and it's been over a month now. It's time for him to resume his life.

The world hasn't stopped just because his family is dead. It's still turning. And he has responsibilities.

"I won't be leaving on any missions," Itachi says, sitting down at the table for breakfast that morning. "They'll make me go through a few days of training, to make sure none of my skills have rusted. After that, I'll most likely be placed on guard duty."

Sasuke stares down at his yogurt, poking it with his spoon. He hasn't said a word since waking up, other than muttering a quiet morning.

Itachi frowns at the silence. His body feels heavy today, made of lead. Sasuke had another of his violent nightmares last night, and once he finally went quiet, Itachi wasn't able to fall back asleep. He spent the rest of the night staring up at the ceiling.

He doesn't remember the last time he's actually slept. He doesn't even feel tired anymore; he's pushed past that point.

"I probably won't need to be there long today," he continues, "so I can pick you up from the Academy, and we can talk to your instructors about what you missed—"

"I can talk to them myself," Sasuke mutters, still not looking up, "and I don't need you to walk me home."

There's no inflection in the words, but Itachi feels them like a senbon. He swallows past it. "I should talk to them myself. It's been a while since you've been there, and you never know—"

"I'm not a child, Nii-san."

Itachi frowns. "I never said you were."

Silence descends again. Itachi watches his little brother with troubled eyes. His own breakfast tastes like cardboard.

"Sasuke," he says finally, the quiet growing unbearable, "Do we need to talk about last night? About what I told you?"

Sasuke's hand freezes slightly as he brings the spoon to his mouth. "Talk about what?" he asks. He still doesn't look at Itachi. "I told you, I already know."

Itachi bites the inside of his cheek. "I know, but..." He pauses, unsure on how to bring up the subject. He recalls the unique pattern in Sasuke's eyes, spelling out a deep grief.

Mangekyou.

"I know we haven't talked about... exactly what happened that night," he begins haltingly. "And that's my fault. But if you ever need to... talk about it..."

Sasuke's body tensed the moment the words that night left Itachi's lips. His spoon clatters against his bowl, and he pushes his chair back abruptly.

"I need to go," he says, turning toward the sink. "I'm gonna be late."

Itachi blinks. A glance at the clock tells him that his brother is right—his class begins in fifteen minutes. Itachi starts to get up, already pinning his mask to his belt.

"Hold on. I can walk you—"

"That's okay," Sasuke says. He brushes past Itachi, sliding his shoes on. "But thanks. Have a good day, Nii-san."

He's out the door before Itachi can speak. Itachi stares at the door, and something inside him cracks. Something inside him reaches out, desperate to stop him from slipping away.