A Deprived Childhood

Two

Reminder this is in first person now.

Five years later...

I feel the coldness coming from outside into my so called room. I push the ripped up blanket off and get up from my floor mattress. I just can't stand the cracks the walls have, which allows the coldness to come in.

I get some duct tape, I found, and I place some on the cracks. Hopefully that stops the breeze. I sigh once I see the tape fly off. Of course the tape wouldn't work anymore. Five years in this place and everything breaks.

I go back to my dead beat mattress. I pick up a cracked mirror and look at myself. I see my tangled mess which you may call hair. I'm pale from the lack of sunlight. My eyes are deep down in there sockets. You may say I'm dead already by the way I look.

What has my life come too? I don't feel anything anymore. I don't feel happiness, dread, or sad. I just feel vacant. I'm just a human body that still has a soul.

I'm isolated from the world. After five years of leaving behind my horrible childhood, I still haven't changed. After the fire I ran for my life. I moved from little shacks to abandoned houses from time to time. I found this abandoned liquor store a couple of miles away from the orphanage. I've been eating left over cans of food that were in the back. Apparently this place was left like without even moving anything.

I was happy I found a new sanctuary. I don't even know how I have survived five years, probably why I'm so skinny. I made my own type of room with cardboard and blankets I have found.

It may not be the best place but I have survived. I'm doing better than anyone else. I haven't left ever since I found this place. Five years.

I get off my dirty "mattress" and head over to the lake. The lake has been another one of my sanctuaries. I walked a little more after finding the liquor store and came across the beauty. The place has a majestic feel to it, like it's not even real. The water sparkles even with its gloomy characteristics.

I take off my pants and my ripped up shirt. The only clothes I have are my old gray dress, two pairs of pants, sneakers, and there tops. How does someone get clothes without a store? Well from the little adventures I've had, from old lady's houses to abandoned shacks, I've found clothes.

The lake is surrounded by tall trees with birds chirping in them. This is the only time I feel a little happiness in my life. The lake is still not the fairy tale type of lake because it's so depressing. Fog is always surrounding the lake. Spiders and insects spend most of their time by the river. Even if you step in the lake the ground is soft and nasty.

The lake describes me perfectly. Sad, alone, depressed, and gloomy. I have nothing. Nothing to call my own. I have no one to talk to but the cockroaches in the rocks. Days are full of boredom with nothing to do. It seems I'm just sitting waiting for my death days to come.

I don't know what age I am or even what year. I've lost all knowledge of any normal people events. Before I knew my birthday or even Anne's. I shudder at the thought of Anne and the orphanage.

The guilt rushes in when I think of how I didn't do anything to save Anne or anyone else. I was selfish at that exact moment. I didn't even turn back, to at least check if Anne had a pulse. I ran like the coward I am towards a world I don't belong in. Sometimes I wish I could disappear with no one knowing. No one even knows me anyway I have no reason to live.

I step into the lake and bathe in it. I swim and go deep under to see the nice mushy earth. I use the soap from the liquor store to wash my legs and arms. My hair is harder to wash. Its always a tangled mess since I have no brush. I don't need one anyway.