God's Least Favorite

11:11

I needed a distraction.
So i picked up my xbox controller with my X-acto knife still in my palm, and opened minecraft
I hopped on a server
any server.
I ended up on Cubecraft
I hopped into a game of Survial Games and played.
I lost pretty quickly considering i didn't get any tools.
In a rage i dropped my controller into my lap, my knife falling with it.
I looked down at my playlist to skip the song and saw it was 11:11 and my grandmas words echoed through my head
"When you see 11:11 it means the angels are watching you, and you should make a wish" she said one day when we were eating oranges, which at the time happened to be my favorite fruit,
"I wish we can have oranges together everyday!" my four year old self nearly shouted
"well now that you told me it won't come true!"
she disagreed
While thinking about oranges i thought about how i hadn't had one in awhile considering they were 45 calories an orange

After coming back to reality since being lost in thought i realized i had been picking at my wrist and now it's bleeding.
"At least it's better than cutting" i whispered to myself as i wondered when my life fell to shit.
"Probably when we moved to this shitty state" i answered for myself considering no one else was there to answer it for me

That's the thing, my grandma is always right. She said that we wouldn't be able to have oranges everyday now, and i moved with my mom days later.
The only thing i've ever disagreed with my grandma with is god.
She's christian, I'm an atheist
Because if there was a god
I would be their least favorite
and that's a shitty thought