Before you go // Jonah Marais

Intro

Dear Nathan,

You were my best friend, my love, my person, but that all changed.

We dreamt of growing up together, and we did for the most part. I watched as you made friends,  had your first heartbreak, I was there when you broke your leg, and when you found out your dad passed away. I watched as my feelings grew for you and noticed all your flirtatious actions, I watched as you walked up to me and asked me to be your girlfriend. I was there when you got your license and when you backed into that street light.

We applied for the same university and made it through high school, we even made it all the way to graduation. I remember how happy you were to walk up on that stage and receive your certificate. I remember not too long before that you had your last high school football game and you won, you were so happy you ran over to me, picked me up, spun me around and then placed the most passionate kiss on my lips I think I've ever received from you.

You were home, my safe place, I let you take something away from me you only get one chance of taking away, I gave you my heart, and you gave yours. I wish that didn't change, I wish you didn't change, and as much as I wish, it doesn't change the fact of what you did, nor what I did.

After that crash, I didn't think I would ever see you again, I'm so grateful I did. Why was I grateful? Because I got to watch you grow for a little longer, I got to learn how to live without you, I got to learn that the man I loved slowly but surely fell out of love with me. I walked in on you and her, someone I thought I could've trusted, but learnt she was using me to get closer to you. But you weren't the only one to fall out of love. I didn't mean for it to happen nor did I want it to, but some things happen for reason and I'm not mad about why this happened.

I met him at the hospital, he came to visit, one day, I had just said goodbye to you, Nathan. He walked into the room, and since that day things changed, I didn't notice at first, actually, it took me ages to notice, maybe I was naive, or maybe I just didn't want to see that things had changed.

He was a fuckboy, a player, someone I would never expect myself to fall for. He changed, he stopped hooking up with every girl that threw themselves at him, he went from not ever wanting a relationship or labelling what he had with someone, to wanting a relationship, not with just with anyone, but me. He never hung out with a girl unless they were hooking up, but he hung with me. He is a frat boy, he parties and drinks, you know him because you play football with him and his four other frat brothers, his best mates.

I fell for the longish brown hair and his bright greeny-blue eyes, I fell for the smile not too many people get to see. I fell for the way he plays his piano and the way he sings for me. I fell for his personality, and I wish you see the side of him I see, but when you look at him you see the man who took your girl. But when I look at you, Nathan Walker, I see the man who I loved, I see the man who had himself inside of another woman, I see the man who wasn't there when I was laying in that hospital bed fighting to survive, Jonah sat by me day after day and read to me because doctors said hearing a new voice would help, he did it to help you, he did it because even then he cared enough about you to help me.

Nathan Walker, you were the man I loved, and I'm sad that I no longer call you my best friend, my home, my safe place, my love. However I am not sad that I fell for Jonah Marais, and I'm not sad that I moved on. I hope that one day you can see how happy I am, and I hope one day I'll get my best friend back. You'll always be welcome in my life Nathan Walker, and I hope I'll always be welcome in yours.

Love, Peyton.

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This story contains;

• swearing

• smut