Ranboo angst for the soul

book eight: remember

They were just at the house. Then Ranboo started thinking again. Things don't really end well when he starts thinking. He started thinking about all the things that could happen to their son. Then he started thinking about all the things that could happen to Tubbo. Officials always got assasinated, like Lincoln or JFK or Franz Ferdinand.

He started thinking, and then a tear came to his eye. Tubbo, who gripped his hand as they walked home, looked over.

When did he find Michael? Oh, no.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he whispered softly, looking at Ranboo. Ranboo looked up, his face already burning, tears streaming down it.

"I don't remember-" he whispered. "Michael. I can't remember when we found him."

Tubbo's eyes widened. He fished a hankerchief out of his pocket and wiped Ranboo's face. "Hey, it's okay. Valentine's Day, Boo."

"Valentine's Day. How?" Ranboo asked, looking down at Tubbo, though he felt small.

"Well, we went to the Nether, and we spent ages trying to get him through the portal." Tubbo said, reaching out to pat Ranboo on the shoulder to calm him down, yet Ranboo flinched away, so he stopped. "You were so brave, you defended us from ghasts and made the path safe for us." he whispered.

It was still so foggy for Ranboo. They made it to the house, where he sat down on the couch. Tubbo joined him.

"I don't want to forget him. Something bad will happen, because we can't stay happy forever. We can't stay happy forever, Tubbo, not in this world. Everyone is out to get us. And something- something will happen to him first. And then you. And then, if I'm lucky, me."

—

"Please, Ranboo,  I just want to be alone right now." Tubbo had pleaded him, face stained with tears and his eyes red.

He had looked to Alivebur, who was already gone, and in that moment, he wanted to disappear. He's just ruined everything. His dumb ass decided to be friends with Wilbur, and his husband didn't trust Wilbur, so now his husband hates him for liking Wilbur.

Tubbo always liked his company when he cried, so he didn't like that he wasn't able to help Tubbo. He hated it, actually. Ranboo absentmindedly traced the burns under his clothes on his chest from Tubbo crying so many times before as he now paced back and forth below Michael's room.

The boards creaked below him, and he paused, leaning against the wall. This is what would happen to Michael. He knew it. They'd seperate, and Tubbo wouldn't trust Ranboo with him, so he'd take him.

He sank down to the floor, wrapping his tail around himself for comfort. He stroked the fuzz covering his body on his arm for comfort as he tried not to think about it.

The world started to fade purple, and Ranboo slapped himself and shrieked at the pain. If he went into the Enderwalk now, there would be trouble. He couldn't.

His vwooping intensified as his cheek throbbed, yet the purple faded away. He tried to breathe, wheezing out and making a vocal hiss as he was still in pain.

He held himself for comfort. As his vision faded back to purple, he slapped himself again, smacking his head to the side and seeing spots. He hissed in pain and tried desperately to stop shaking.

He faintly heard boards creaking and little footsteps upstairs, and heard the sound of a trapdoor being opened.

"Michael, no" he croaked, his face beginning to burn as he watched Michael climb down the ladder.

"Pa!" Michael called, climbing in between his knees and chest and hugging him. "Don't cry. It hurts you!" he said.

Ranboo couldn't reply, so he looked at the adjacent wall. Neither could do eye contact, and even if Michael could, Ranboo couldn't.

He wished that Tubbo were here. He wished he hadn't messed anything up. He wished he could look Tubbo in the eyes when he talked, instead of at his feet or at his hair to show him that he respected him, and to just see his grey and blue irises that once shone in the sunlight.

He wished that Tubbo could look at him, and trace the light grey and dark grey freckles on his cheeks, or see the glint in his eyes that told him how much he cared about him.

He wished Michael could have a father that didn't flip like a coin because-literally- someone looked at him wrong. He wished he could be in a safer environment, both around his fathers and the world he lived in.

He wished Michael didn't have to see him like this, either.

As he came to, Michael was still hugging him and Tubbo stood in the doorway, looking out of place. Ranboo nearly teleported away, yet couldn't because that would just make it worse.

"Michael, go upstairs and play." Tubbo said, "I've got Pa." he finished, and Michael, giving Ranboo a nuzzle, obeyed.

Ranboo curled back up, wiping his eyes and looking at his hands, fumbling with them.

"Can you talk?" Tubbo asked, keeping a bit of distance but not too much. Ranboo shook his head.

Tubbo nodded.

"I wanted to say I'm sorry about earlier. I was overwhelmed from talking to Wilbur and didn't think about it when I pushed you away like that. I don't hate you. Do you understand?" he asked, watching to see what Ranboo would do.

Ranboo nodded, lifting his head a bit to look at the wall behind Tubbo, because he was bored of looking at his hands.

"Do you forgive me?" Tubbo asked.

Ranboo nodded.

"Do you want a hug?"

Ranboo nodded, and Tubbo crashed into Ranboo, beginning to cry into his shoulder. "Oh, sorry." Tubbo croaked, going to move off so he didnt hurt him.

Ranboo shook his head and pulled Tubbo back, nodding to tell him that it was okay.

They sat like that for a long time. This didn't fix the situation, but it fixed things between Tubbo and Ranboo, and that was all Ranboo ultimately wanted.

—

a/n: right then fuckers, did you miss me? I think I'm gonna focus on this book for a bit, so let me know what you wanna see. I know this was more hurt/comfort than angst, but i recently read Flowers From 1970 and couldn't take anymore pain. so, uh, i hope you enjoyed whatever the fuck this was. love you guys /p

also, WILBUR CARED ABOUT L'MANBURG YOU ANTI FUCKS!! HE'S A COMPLEX CHARACTER THAT ISN'T ALL THE WAY BAD AND I WILL DIE ON THAT HILL. I AM A WILBUR APOLOGIST /nm /dsmp