Waiting Alone...✓

A Losing Game

(Yoongi's POV)

I've spent all of the love I saved.
We were always a losing game.
Small-town boy in a big arcade.
I got addicted to a losing game.

All my life I never lied to Jin but all my life I lied to him.

I don't know why I still keep holding onto memories that have no end, that have no possibilities..

I am cracked, I'm broken.
I have been used and played.
Someone was right when they said I was worthless.
I am worthless. I am useless.

I question my body.
I question my mind.

I am insecure. I never wanted to be in it. I am stuck in an unfateful destiny.

I closed my eyes, sitting by the Han river.

The sound of the water rushing by and the wind rustling was somehow satisfying and at the same time mocking me for my helplessness.

That man has started the process. I am afraid to lose them all...

"Aahhh!",I cried out, my tears flowing uncontrollably.

"It's all for that letter! Why me?!"

"Yoongi....",said that heavy voice I am used to hearing but today, fear the most.

I remained quiet because I knew I had no path to escape.

"Yoongi... Answer me!",he said again.
"I have nothing to answer Hyung. I wanted to stay alo-"
"You know we're not here to know why you're alone..",said Y/n, her voice stern.
"Yoongi look at me..", ordered Jin.
"Please let me go. I can't do this anymore..."
"I don't want you to do anything anymore. Just tell me what you know..."

I remained silent. The tall and broad figure came beside me and rest his hand on my weak shoulder.

"Yoongi... Face me!",said Jin, turning my face towards him.

"What did you do of yourself...!",said Jin, hugging me.

My eyes were red. My pale face was puffed up. My lips were sore.

I hated myself to be seen like this, to be seen as vulnerable, to be seen as broken, shattered with pain.

"You crying Yoongi?"

I replied with a no but I know Jin knew what was going on with me. I'm sure Hobi told them everything.

Jin Hyung pulled me close to his chest.

"Why did you never say me that? Huh? Tell me.. Did I ever hide anything from you?",he said patting my back.

I remained silent because I had no answer. Jin never lied to me but you know what, Love is scarring. Love is painful because love brings growth. Love demands, transforms and is painful because love gives you a new birth. Love brings your heart into relationship and when the heart is in relationship there is always pain. 

I believe it's better to be pained than causing pain.

"Don't remain silent Yoongi, don't. I didn't know you were hiding so much inside that little heart of yours...",said Jin, his voice heavy with fear.

I know he's afraid of losing me but you know what, I already lost myself.

If you think love happens only between a man and a woman, you're wrong. Any relationship is like this.

Be you be friends, spouse, siblings, cousins,parent-child, significant other or whatever; Love is something you can't deny, you can't forget even years later. You can't stop even after knowing the consequences. Love blinds us.